Kitten a Go-Go

On Becoming My Own Stress Induced Economic Stimulus Package...

You've missed me, no?  I'm sure all six of you are desperate to know where I've been.  That's easy:  working.  It's a hectic time in the office for wee Danielle.  I was supposed to go home over the holiday, but that also wasn't meant to be because i am now sick.  What started as a menacing cough has infiltrated my sinuses and started my hair trigger vomiting mechanism.  So I am in Vegas.  But it is raining and foggy, so it might as well be south jersey. 

But I have a tale to tell.  It's illustrated with spectacular images.  Let us begin.

On or about Thursday, November 20, 2008, a coworker of the Boy (hereinafter referred to as "The Enabler") informed me that Saks was having a sale of mammoth proportions.  Here's what I was told.  Designer shoes were on sale for 40% off of the original price.  On Tuesday, they would be an additional 50% off of the already discounted price.  This would yield prices like $160 for a pair of Louboutins.  This is a range of shoes that is so far out of my normal price range that I couldn't imagine I'd be able to afford them for years to come. 

So, Saturday, I went to work for the millionth day in a row and I wanted to go to Ann Taylor to use a discount coupon that I had.  Well, my shoe cohort, Laura was going to Saks.  I met her there.  The Enabler was also there.  I have never seen such shoe chaos in my life.  It was like watching wild beasts feasting on something smaller, weaker and deader.  Shoes were thrown everywhere. 

The bargains were obscene.  I mean, seriously obscene.  I purchased four pairs on Saturday.  But, because it was a pre-sale, i couldn't have them for the full discounted price until Tuesday. 

Pair #1.  A dainty pair of Kate Spade slingbacks.  These shoes are relatively comfy and will be perfect for work. 

Pair #2 is another pair of perfect work shoes.  Cole Haan mary janes with a peep toe.  Since they are Cole Haan, they are actually comfy.  (Thank you to Nike.)

Pair #3 Black Patent Jimmy Choo Mary Janes.  A perfect classic.

Pair #4.  Purple Patent Jimmy Choo's.  This, since I found them before Pair #3 is officially my first pair from Mr. Jimmy Choo.  He and Kate Spade are my favorites as they make my adorable little feet look all the more dainty and adorable.  (Although I have quickly learned that these designer shoes run small and I need a seven in these brands.  Which explains the issues I've had with the size 6 Kate Spades that I got on Ebay.  They are too damn small.)  I love these shoes and I think they will be a practical addition to my work wardrobe.

Since I was at work last night until 9 p.m., I didn't get to pick up my shoes.  Because I am sick, I left a bit early today and I picked up my precious babies.  I may have taken a peak around those sales that were still going.  Then, I saw the most beautiful shoes in all the world (okay, in Saks, but still).  I tried them on and they are perfect.  I heart them.  I cannot wait to find somewhere to wear them.  (And these will look so so so awesome on the Hello Stiletto pink carpet.)

Pair #5.  Pink Satino Valentino slingbacks.

Seriously, the savings from the original prices has to be more than $2000.  I am so excited to welcome these into my sculpture garden.  I am the first to admit that I have a serious problem with this and recent stress has only made it worse.  But i like to think that these little pink ones are like shoe pepto bismal and I will somehow stop vomiting if I cuddle with them.  Or I can tap the pointy heel on my forehead and relieve some of the sinus pressure. 

Oh, and just one little thing.  I don't much like Louboutin.  They are too bulky.  Definitely not my style.  But they were on monster sale too!

I've been up to something

Check it out.  Then visit regularly.

This is what I'm talking about

I am packing.  These are the shoes that I know I won't wear in the next month and that I am not giving to Goodwill.  I have a problem.  Because most of them have caused me severe physical pain and I still can't give them away.

The first step

I have a problem.  I have too many shoes.  I have to start packing them soon.  I don't wear most of them.  Most of them cause me significant pain.  There's a few that I even think are ugly, but I felt COMPELLED to buy them at the time.  I don't know how this keeps happening.  Fortunately, it's not all Carrie Bradshaw and they are cheap shoes from DSW or Zappos.  But they are everywhere.  I think i am going to line them up for a portrait called "shoes I've never worn out of the house." 

The saddest part is that I keep buying them with complete knowledge that they are screwing up my feet and knees.  Instead of stopping, I buy overpriced pieces of plastic that i stick into the toes.  They do help, but not enough.  But I still can't stop. 

Sigh.  I am not going to stop, am I?  Is this one of those things I have to live with?  I'm going to need a bigger closet. 

Or, better yet, turn the guest room into a shrine.  Hmm.  Leslie, you won't mind sharing with the shoes, right?

OMG

Have you ever seen something so perfect in your life?????  I mean, seriously.  They are heaven.  I stopped feeling my toes ages ago.  And the occasion isn't for a while.  But I will wear them around the house. 

Sunday night

Dear readers, it's been a while.   Things are...  mmmm, hmmmm.  It's been an eventful week, most of which I don't care to get into because it is EXHAUSTING.  So, instead, we're going to talk about how I spent the last hour.  Then the dryer will finish, I will fold my clothes, take my sweet, sweet Ambien and drift off to sleep so that I can start another work week.  (But can you really consider it starting if you were there on Sunday?  I'm just not sure.) 

As you all know, I like dirty little slutty shoes.  WHORETASTIC.  Last night, on a fun-filled evening out, I wore these.

I need to be very clear - they felt good enough at the beginning of the night.  By the end of the night, hobbling pain.  Just like the day before, when I wore these to work.

These lovely little blue babies can only be describes as complete assholes.  I had to change them by 10 am.  Fortunately, I have a wide selection of shoes in my car.  Leopard print, mauve, pink sequins.  I settled for the mauve before it sort of matched my shirt. They hurt like a bitch too, although slightly less than the blue ones.

Wanna know what your feet look like after this kind of abuse?  Fortunately, I didn't take a picture.  I will simply say that I rinsed dried blood off of my feet on Friday night and my feet looked like a child with the chicken pox last night.  BAD.

So, today, while at the grocery palace (a long overdue trip because I was out of ramen noodles, food of champion first year lawyers), I picked up some skin dissolving remedies.  After finally catching up on my beloved Detectives Olivia Benson and Elliott Stabler, I got to work. 

I took all of the necessary tools into the bathroom.  Filled the tub with boiling hot water.  Picked up a book.  Immersed my feet.  Began reading and softening.

NEXT THING I KNOW, THAT LITTLE NEKKID GUY THAT HATES GETTING A BATH JUMPS UP NEXT TO ME AND CLIMBS IN THE GODDAMN TUB.  WHATEVER.  BASTARD DOES EVERYTHING HE CAN TO AVOID IT WHEN IT'S HIS TURN.  BUT WHEN MY FEET GET A TURN, HE'S ALL GODDAMN OVER IT.  ASSHOLE.

blah blah blah.  45 minutes later, my feet are soft.  like, well, human feet.  Unlike, say, hooves.  But tomorrow, the time will come and i will have to make a choice about what shoes to wear.  If only I had the courage to wear these.

I don't care if they make me bleed directly out of the little open toe. I love them.

I bought these off of ebay this week.  They are the most awesomely perfect shoes that have ever existed on earth.  EVER.

I'm going to need a little pick me up when this is over.

The bar will be over soon enough.  I will need a trophy for surviving it.  I want this trophy.

It seems that these, the world's most perfect shoes, were discontinued and I didn't act quickly enough.  (If some random reader knows the name of this shoe, offhand, please please please leave it in the comments.  They were fall Kate Spade.  I need these shoes.  I could only hope that one of the outlets has them....  But they need a name to search.  The real name apparently wasn't most awesome shoe ever or peacock feet.)

So, to appease the hole in my heart because I can't have the peacocks, I want these.

They are cute and all.  But they don't even come in peacock feather.  Or aqua.  or red.  or pink.  Just this boring black.  It's almost like they would be too practical and no one would look at me funny if I wore them with a business suit.  They just aren't the right ones. 

Let this be a lesson to you:  if you see the ultimate shoes, buy them.  Because what Kate Spade giveth, she also taketh away. 

Kate Spade didn't have any shoes. But Shooz did.

Upon turning thirty, it is customary for the husband of a lady to purchase her a sweet pair of slutty red shoes.
Originally uploaded by kittenagogo.

The Kate Spade peacock shoes that I wanted were no longer there. Discontinued. Boo.

Found these after dinner at a store called Shooz. I am already very deeply in love with them.

Empty Handed

We went to Shoe Pavillion to look for a pair of whoretastic shoes for my birthday feet.  Alas, we came up empty handed.  Boo. 

Time to do some reading for tomorrow (crim law with Whitebread, which I am looking forward to) and then we are off to the strip for dinner.  There is a Kate Spade store there.  We'll be stopping in.

Shoes. Sweet, Sweet shoes.

As we were leaving the Wynn, we walked by the Manolo store.  I cannot afford such things, but I had to go in and look.  Like when a married man goes to the titty bar.  Everyone has their thing.  I wanted to touch and look at the pretty shoes.  There was one pair in particular that gave my slutty feet an orgasm.  Rhinestones everywhere.  High heel.  Impractical beyond description. 

And here's what my husband said.  "Where would you wear these?" 

Seriously?  Some days, it's like he's never even met me.  I'm NOT going to wear them.  That doesn't mean that I don't need them.  I'm pretty sure that three of my toes would fall off immediately if I put them on.  My sports injury would flare up from the pain of extending my poor tendon like that.  It doesn't matter.  I need shoes like that. 

I told the sales guy what Kevin said.  He chuckled and said that I could wear them grocery shopping or to wash the car.  For almost $1000, they are art.  An investment.  I would cuddle them and talk to them.  Like they deserve.

Then we went in the shoe store next door.  I saw the sluttiest, most whoretastic shoes EVER.  Red, with giant red rhinestones.  These shoes were $1475.  I touched them for a while.  I thought about how hot my feet with "I'm not really a waitress toes" would look wearing them.  I walked away with a smile.  I'm pretty sure those shoes gave my feet a lap dance.