Kitten a Go-Go

Sleep Deprivation

I slept well this weekend.  Until last night.  A school night.  I tried every trick in the book.  Nighty night cocktail.  Cold room.  Leave for a change of scenery after 30 minutes or so.  Play Bookworm.  Try to sleep more.  Fail.  Eventually lay on couch with cats and hope for the best.  I fell asleep around 2 am.  Understandably, this has put me on edge today.

Then, when I was driving home, I stopped at the mailbox in the cul de sac.  At that time, my car battery died.  My yuppie panic attacks are notable and not pretty.  My yuppie panic attacks on little sleep are quite a vision.  There was nonstop cursing.  I threw a tantrum because I wanted to put on my pajamas, but I couldn't because I had to wait for various members of the AAA family to visit my home.  Fortunately, the battery is swapped, so I can calm my ass down. 

Hopefully this won't affect tonight's sleep.  I am going to start the rest of the cocktail soon.  I have court first thing in the morning, so I really hope that this is an okay night.  Please, body, cooperate.

Fibromyalgia Diaries: The Saga of the Stomach to Side Switch

At some point in the last year, I switched from a stomach sleeper to a side sleeper.  Like many stomach sleepers, I had a pillow that took years to properly mold to accommodate my stomach sleeping.  In recent months, I have not been sleeping well at all.  Switching medications was not helping.  I began to suspect that I was sleeping in a contorted position because my neck and shoulders hurt every morning. 

I went to Target.  After much side by side comparison squishing, I selected a new pillow.  For the past two nights, with the aid of my new pillow, I have slept like a champ.  Today, my lazy ass didn't get out of bed until 11.  It was just too comfortable.  Like sleeping on a cloud.  And, due to two nights of restful sleeping, I no longer look like i have been punched in the eyes.  The circles are looking much more healthy and normal.  I really hope I am not jinxing myself, but perhaps this will mean more sleep in the future...

Insomnia: The Aftermath

Last night was hell.  After taking the ambien, I finally fell asleep on the couch around 4 a.m.  i went into the bedroom around 6:15 and got up for work at 8.  As you can imagine, I was miserable all day.  I still had the awful headache from the Dalmane.  I had severe medicine hangover from taking two pills.  I made little sense all day.  I got a fair amount of work done, but I put a couple of things onto my plate for tomorrow because I didn't feel like I could communicate effectively by 4:30.

I spoke with my doctor.  He agreed that the sleeping pill was clearly the devil (perhaps that wasn't his exact wording).  He put me back on the full dose of Ambien and added some cousin of valium to the nighty night cocktail.  If this doesn't work, I call him again next week and beg for mercy. 

I spent most of the day in a complete panic.  Very agitated and felt like I was going nuts.  My whole body simply feels heavy now.  I am still awake because I insist on watching the finale of Lost.  Hopefully, I won't miss a ton of subtle points because I am too fried to understand it.

Oh, and I really want a kitten for my birthday.  I'll even take one with hair.  I want a black one to name Snowball.  And I want it to be itty bitty and I want to rescue it.  The Boy said no.  He said we have enough cats.  While this is potentially true, we definitely don't have enough ity bitty kittens named Snowball.

It's 2:50 a.m. You're sleeping, right?

Right, still nothing for me more than a nasty headache from the dalmane.  I'm pretty much in meltdown mode right now.  You see, I've taken an ambien and a dalmane (not to mention the progesterone, nortriptylene and five rest and restore supplements from my dr).  Still nothing more than the headache.  And a rather unpleasant sobbing fit a few minutes ago. 

Obviously, I'll be calling the doctor tomorrow.  Ambien 10 mg barely working.  Dalmane 15 mg plus ambien 5 mg not working at all.  i do feel out of it, but not sleepy.  and when i lay down, it's nothing but frustration.  if i magically fall asleep in the next minute, then i can get about three hours of sleep. 

I am really getting to that special point of self loathing where I just can't stop the pity party.  I am miserable.  Why is this happening to me AGAIN?  What exactly have I done to deserve this nonsense...

insert more whining.  whine whine whine.  I'm sorry.  I realize that there are many much larger problems in the world, but i am finding it hard to function on a day to day basis at this point without sleep.  I hope my doctor will work with me to find some sort of solution tomorrow.  I'm guessing i'll be taking a couple of provigil tomorrow.

Sigh.  This REALLY SUCKS.

The Insomnia Tightrope

I haven't had a decent night of sleep since Saturday.  Today, at work, I was dragging.  It took everything in my power to stay focused.  Particularly sad since I am on Provigil and an insane amount of b vitamins.  Last week, when I went to the dr, we discussed my ongoing sleep issues and how they have not been remedied with the new meds.  So, we decided to try another sleeping pill.  Dalmane.  For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to take it tonight.  Not a good idea at all.  I am not even remotely tired.  It's 1 am.  I have to get up at 6 and I have a really full day at work then i have to go out afterward and of course I want to see Lost.

Since it is a new med, I have no idea what I can take now.  If I take an Ambien, what on earth is that going to do to me tomorrow...  It's month end and the end of the second quarter, so I'd like to get a few things finished. 

At this point, I have a headache from the Dalmane.  Like I've been wearing a headband that is squeezing too tight on my giant head. 

All I want is to sleep and get through tomorrow.  I don't see why this has to be such a struggle.  Very very frustrated.

There are only so many articles I can google regarding my current obsession, Larissa Kelly. 

I guess I will take an ambien (a lower dose than usual since i have a virtual pharmacy in my bathroom) and hope for the best.  (Will wake up The Boy to inform him of what i've ingested just in case.) 

Sigh.  This sucks.

Stupid Stupid Stupid

Dear You Guys,

It is getting late.  I am very tired.  In order to sleep, I need a couple of things. 

Stomach, I need you to stop churning and being upset over who knows what.  Get over it and let me rest.

Throat, coughing is so two weeks ago.  Give it a break and let the nyquil woo you to slumber.

Ear, you've been begging for attention for  two days.  Well, here it is.  WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?  Of all the body parts, you are usually pretty well behaved (except for your ever present attached lobes, which no one else ever has but me).  But now you are all swollen and unable to hear without that horrific shrill noise.  What sort of attention is it that you are after?  because frankly, i have nothing positive to say to you, Ear.  Get over this. 

I am sick of you three.  Let me sleep for the love of all things holy.  LET ME SLEEP. 

With Hate,
Danielle

so, so tired

Ye Olde Internet - I am so incredibly tired.  I think my body was so sleep deprived for two weeks while I battled the Demon Strep that I am now ready to go into hibernation.  I have slept okay for the past couple of nights, but it is just not enough.  Ugh.  Please let this self-heal over the weekend.  I'm too tired to look for coupons right now.  That's sad considering it is my favorite hobby right now.

Life with Fibromyalgia

As I think everyone who has ever met me knows, I have fibromyalgia.  Sometimes, the symptoms go away for a bit.  Recently, it's been kicking my ass.

In addition to complete exhaustion, I've also been dealing with what I will call, for purposes of politeness, stomach issues.  So, today, I went to the GI doctor.  He thinks I have IBS, possibly something more, and gave me new medication.  His main conclusion:  it's related to the fibro.

The other day, I was reading the internet and saw that a medication approved by the FDA for fibro treatment.  When I got to work today, I called my primary care doctor and he called in a prescription. 

Now, I have two new medications to try.  This is a good thing, because it may provide me with some relief.  However, I have to tell you, I hate every second of it.  For once, I want to know what it is like to be able to sleep without taking at least four pills to make it happen.  For once, I want to not have to spend $120 per month on various pills that will make me feel only minimally better.  For once, I want to take a nap.  Just a nap. 

I can only hope that these medications will make a difference.  Because this sucks.  I am tired.  I want my life back.  Then I can just dream of the day when I won't have to take all of these pills. 

This has to be some kind of miracle

Today, I ate some soup for lunch.  Which made me sleepy.  I went upstairs after a few minutes of being curled up in the chair.

Here's the miracle part - I fell asleep.  For a nap.  Without any sort of chemicals.  It wasn't a good, restful sleep, but it was a nap all the same. 

I'm clearly still a little shocked that it happened.

The edge

I've talked a lot before about my whole sleep issue and the hell that it puts my body through.  I think I have also made no secret of the fact that it takes its toll on me mentally.  Well, folks, we're at that point again. 

Obviously, that which must not be spoken about (work) is intense.  Add in a layer of missing one night of sleep per week due to travel and you can imagine the chaos that is my body. 

For the past two weeks, the right side of my left knee has been numb.  If I touch it, I can feel pins and needles, but it is more or less numb most of the time.  The fibro is extremely bad.  The slightest pressure on any part of me can make me yelp out in pain. 

Not to mention that I am turning into an emotional basket case that is overreacting to everything. 

I have a dr's appointment on the 18th.  I need to magically keep my shit together then and not break and hopefully this one will have the magic cure. 

This is so scattered.  But that's pretty much where things are right now...  I do not like feeling like this. 

Ah, Friday night

Kevin is working late.  I am convinced that my body is shutting down due to exhaustion.  So that's why I'm drinking a cheap kabinett out of a tiki mug and I'm halfway down the road to drunkenness while watching a sex and the city rerun.  That's my friday night.

Maybe this will work

Working is absolutely exhausting.  Maybe this will be the cure to my insomnia...

Last night's battle

Last night still wasn't an easier time getting to sleep.  Since I started the battle earlier, I did fall asleep earlier.  Probably between 12 - 1.  Good enough for me. 

But you know how some people count sheep?  I kept repeating the sixteen types of collateral.  Also the elements for an injunction and specific performance since I always forget those. 

When the alarm went off at 7, I got up and got moving.  And now, I am going to start my MBE subject review.  Here's what I've decided to do for the next three days.

Friday:  Review flashcards and outlines for all MBE subjects.  Continue memorizing.  End day with review of all mini-outlines.

Saturday:  Review flashcards and outlines for all non-MBE subjects.  End day with review of all mini-outlines.

Sunday:  Outlines for all subjects.  Practice essays.  Thorough review of Crim and Professional Responsibility.  End day with review of all mini-outlines.

Most of Monday will be shot with registration and trying to stay calm enough to fall asleep at a decent hour.  I fully intend to review my mini-outlines at least twice.  Also plan to go through flash cards for Criminal and Professional Responsibility one last time.  (Watch, both of those essays will be on Thursday.)

Monday night when I get home, I'll go through my MBE mini-outlines before bed.  Tuesday, I'll pull out outlines for anything that didn't get an essay on Monday and do a quick review.  Thursday, I'll study the effects of vodka on the human body. 

Then it will be done. 

In a week...

It has not been one of my better days.  In fact, it's been shitty.  It started out with the sleep thing.  I finally got to sleep around 3.  I woke up when 7 when my alarm went off.  Felt like I was hit by a truck.  So i crawled back into bed.  Stayed there until a little before ten. 

Started studying agency and partnerships by 11.  Then property for the rest of the day.  I was hoping to get more done tonight, but by 9, I was done.  My brain is seriously shot right now. 

So, I patiently came downstairs.  I walked to the kitchen.  Opened the raspberry vodka.  Poured it into the shaker.  So desperate for my favorite drink that I squeezed oranges for the juice and made a fresh batch of cranberry juice from concentrate.  Since I didn't want to drink on an empty stomach, I made some popcorn on the stove.

Now, I've finished my drink and an episode of grey's anatomy.  Now, I'm going to take my nighty night cocktail and go to bed.  I am simply asking my body to go to sleep before 1.  If i go to sleep before 1, i will be able to survive my gruesome MBE review day tomorrow and not fall behind on my weekend review.

Fingers are crossed...

It's 12:33 a.m.

I'm not tired.  Wwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyy won't my body learn to sleep like all of the other kids??? 

Kevin?  Sleeping.  Has been for hours.  Tiki?  Sleeping. 

Me?  Not sleeping.  Not studying because it is 12:34 a.m. and my brain is already full from intense Corporations review and another review of Crim Law. 

Start time: 12:16 a.m.; Finish Time: 12:25 a.m.

Okay, look at me.  Still awakey-wakey.  I had my glass of wine.  I've had my sleeping pills.  Yet, here I am.  Is it because I want to be awake?  No, dear readers, it is not.  I want to be asleep more than anything on earth (except to have a pair of those aforementioned kate spade shoes show up at my house via fed ex tomorrow for free). 

Wanna know why I'm awake?  You know what - here's how we're going to play this.  If you don't want to know or don't care, stop reading.  That's right, because I'm going to tell you regardless of an affirmative response.

I'm awake because the bar exam makes me neglect my cat.  So, since Tiki wants to play in the very, very cold house (set for ultimate sleep conditions) at g.d. midnight, we're gonna play.   Except now, I don't know where the naked guy went.  He's been racing back and forth and back and forth and back and forth like a maniac for a few minutes.  I lost track.  I'm sure I'll hear the  fishing for Teeks bell very soon. 

I don't hear him.  If I get up and find that bastard sleeping somewhere, I assure you that I'm going to wake his ass up with a giant raspberry on his hairless kitten tummy.  He is going to be pissed and I will feel the sweet nectar of vengeance.

Good night, my pretties.  [I need to make a new category about how I shouldn't blog after I've taken the pills, but that's what happens when typepad doesn't ask harder questions than login.]

Environmental Factors

Folks, studying would be a thousand times better if I could just get some sleep.  For the past two nights, it's definitely been less than five hours.  Last night, Tiki took the record by waking me up three times and Kevin followed closely with twice.  I woke up with a HORRIBLE headache and my entire body is sore because no sleep = fibro starts acting up.  I went to class and suffered through another three hours of the brewski talk.  Came home and crashed with a nap. 

So I spent two hours sleeping when I could have been studying if I'd only gotten a decent night's sleep the night before.  Tonight, Kevin and Tiki have been evicted from the bedroom and I'm upping the contents of the nighty night cocktail to include 10 mg of Ambien.  I try not to load up on the meds because then the medicine hangover in the morning is worse than being tired.

Let's hope this helps.  I have set several goals for studying this week and I'm not going to be able to achieve them unless I can give the appropriate amount of time when I am engaged in the process. 

Ugh.  Back to making flash cards for another hour and then to bed.  At least property is over tomorrow...