Kitten a Go-Go

Weekend To Do List

Yesterday morning, I made an exhaustive to do list of everything that I ideally wanted to get done this weekend.  Here's what got done:

1. Fill out phone rebate paperwork
2. Find microwave manual (door is broken)
3. Find refrigerator manual (water thing is still broken)
4. Clean out drawer of manuals (so 2 & 3 won't happen again)
5. Clean out junk drawer
6. Clean out small appliance cabinets
7. Deposit at bank
8. Upload photos for a friend
9. Place all baking ingredients into pretty new labeled jars (since I have 6 kinds of flour and arrowroot to deal with now)
10. Dust downstairs
11. Pay bills
12. Massage
13. Eyebrows
14. Pedi (this was a bad idea because I really shouldn't have soaked the new tattoo)
15. Blog updates
16. Clean powder room
17. Clean cable box (if you had a greasy hairless cat, you'd understand why this is a separate task)
18. Order prints of photo of grandparents
19. Laundry
20. Find a boy to send B2's clothes to
21. Deal with stack of coupons
22. Deal with stack of old magazines
23. Get stuff off of bar so it can go upstairs
24. Get stuff from nursery
25. Put away crap on floor
26. Make sure all new shows scheduled to tape
27. Clean out purse (purse is big and is magnet for receipts)
28. Re-pot plants for work
29. Clean kitchen window and sill (another favorite perch for the cats)
30. Clean and organize stuff in laundry room
31. Switch out recycling bins in kitchen
32. Transfer money to ING
33. Clean armoire (this wouldn't be so bad if the wee petri dishes weren't nursing future hoarding disorders)
34. Create place for baking pyrex to live
35. Clean out sample drawer (all gone and now home of baking pyrex)

These are the things I didn't get done:

1. Find art receipts for recent paintings sold
2. Find art authentication certificate for print sold
3. Vacuum downstairs (hopefully I can do this tomorrow after work)
4. Clean inside of car (I did technically throw everything into the back seat, so at least someone can sit in the car comfortably).
5. See if color printer still works
6. Mop kitchen floor (I scrubbed the biggest offending areas while doing other stuff)
7. Cat baths (they'll still be dirty all week, so meh)
8. Clean our bathroom (upstairs is probably going to be next week's project.  Our sitting room is also a huge mess.)
9. Dust all blinds (moving forward to next weekend
10. Change sheets (this will happen tomorrow since Brian went to bed before I could do it)
11. Organize clothes to send to Laura D and Robin C.
12. Move boxes upstairs

In addition, I completed the following items that were not on the list:

1. Bake one batch of health almond thins (none for Kellie)
2. Bake one batch health chocolate chip cookies
3. Make health three bean salad
4. Perform an unmentionable act on cat in distress (the post traumatic stress probably contributed to why I didn't finish more stuff)
5. Grocery shopping
6. Visit sunflower for one item and spend $50
7. Purchase Brita water filter since fridge will not dispense water and I am damn sick of buying gallons of water WHEN MY FRIDGE IS SUPPOSED TO PROVIDE WATER WITHOUT WASTEFUL PACKAGING
8. Selected fall/Halloween art piece for my office.  (Trading out one Seonna Hong for another.  The drawing of the Princess of Darkness will be nice for Halloween.)
9. Spent a lot of time thinking about how much I wanted to take a nap but couldn't because a list was ruining my life
10. Sent offensive emails to Robin to cheer self up after traumatic cat incident
11. Repeatedly assured husband that he does not have swine flu
12. Got scolded for not informing massage therapist that I got a new tattoo because I did not know it counted as something he "should know about"
13. Sent mind control thoughts to Kat because I showed her mine and she hasn't shown me hers
14. Tried to figure out a way to break up with threading lady that I keep getting stuck with because she doesn't get the whole super arched 50s housewife look that I'm going for
15. Realized that it was Ramadan and ate a cookie during daylight in Nudrat's honor
16. Remembered that I don't like football and don't get what all of the fuss is about
17. Got pissed that the supermarket was so crowded - shouldn't everyone have been watching football
18. Got pissed at supermarket when I didn't have enough bags with me and they put a watermelon in a plastic bag, which then blew away in the parking lot and I chased it for a bit, much to Brian's delight, but I couldn't catch it
19. Discovered that lidocaine patches are almost as awesome as having naturally blonde hair
20. Lamented that no one makes a laser that will remove blonde hair from yeti arms through laser hair removal (although it is okay because I can't afford laser hair removal)
21. Discovered that I still can't watch any specials on 9/11 because I will cry like a baby
22. Continued designing Tiffany Liu commission in my head (Yes, there is a rainbow AND a unicorn involved)

Reasons why June 1, 2009 generally sucked

1. I have a blood blister.  On the pad of my right middle finger.  Like an exclamation point on the big ole eff you I wanted to give to the jackass who cut me off in traffic on the way to CVS.
2. Apparently, you cannot buy a single lancet.  Only packs of 50 or 100.  Because I wanted to do self surgery on #1.  Have I mentioned how much it hurts?
3. The book I ordered for myself as a birthday present has not yet arrived.  Amazon needs to get faster with my free super saver shipping.
4. I saw on Perez that they are making a sequel to Heathers.  Dude.  NOT OKAY.  The sequel was called Mean Girls and that was just fine.  Don't ruin one of my favorite movies, okay?  O.K.A.Y.????

I will make this stop

I'm getting caught in my own yuppie whining trap again.  The constant worrying about money.  The job stress and the long hours.  Enough is enough. 

1.  I am damn lucky to have a job in this economy.  Especially the one that I have.  No whining about job stress allowed.  No matter how tired I am after 12 hours in the office.

2.  Money stress is not allowed either because I am an adult and I have a job.  I just have to figure out how to make it work.  Although some days, I think I need to apply to be the stock girl at CVS at night.  Except that I never would know when I can work because I might have to work at the other job late.

3.  Health stress.  I am doing better with this.  I have successfully stomached my valtrex for a week.  This is a record for me.  So hopefully this means I can start making progress on the Epstein Barr.  We'll see. 

4.  General mental well being.  I had a full fledged panic attack at work this afternoon.  I had an intense pain in my upper back, near my neck.  Somehow, I convinced myself that I was having a heart attack.  So, of course, other heart attack like symptoms started.  I know it was panic.  But, you know, it was damn inconvenient.  It is also a little hard to disguise when you are sitting in a chair in a partner's office trying to take notes on an assignment.  I calmed myself down, but this is absurd.  No more of that. 

I need to get through tomorrow (which is going to be a rough day at the office, but I'll get it all done).  Then I need to relax over the weekend.  I need to get some sort of quality rest because I swear I am losing it.  I need to read, clean and laugh with brian and the wee petri dishes.  I need to go get some spring clothes.  I need to prioritize myself onto my important things to take care of.

So incredibly exhausted.  I really feel like I could start crying any second.  It's just been one of those days...

In honor of my favorites: Jeopardy! and Microserfs

What are your ideal Jeopardy! categories?  Mine are:

1.  DWTS Turns 8 [The daily double would be to name the first hostess before Samantha Harris]
2.  Hereinafter "Legalese"
3.  The Nudist Sphynx
4.  Name that immunologic disease
5.  Lowbrow Art
6.  90s Alterna-chic Rock Rhyme Time

I am a gross packrat.

I am cleaning today.  That includes my car.  Here's a brief list of the things I found.

- An infinite number of plastic water bottles.  Some were unopened.  Some had a sip or two taken.  This shameful mess has been emptied and recycled.

- Three cardigans

- Two pairs of red shoes

- Four novels that disappeared ages ago

- Four deposition transcripts from a case closed months ago

- An infinite number of directions from google maps

- Way too many freebies given at events that I didn't want.  I recycled what I could and I will not take the stuff that I am not going to use in the future, just out of a need to be polite. 

- Besides banishing the clutter, I was trying to lighten the load to improve gas mileage.  Well, I found a pair of ankle weights.  Yeah, nothing like finding weights weighing the car down.  Such a dumbass.

- My briefcase, which has been missing for ages.

Gross.  I'm afraid of the other things I'm going to find while cleaning today.

I'll Tell You What I Want, What I Really Really Want

Dear Santa,

 

I would like the following:

 

1. Bank that counts change for you (as illustrated in the bed bath & beyond catalog)
2. New liver (this one has to be close to done with all of the pills)
3. Functioning thyroid
4. Book by someone whom I may or may not know as an expert witness
5. Flatbed scanner (for the scanning of photographs) (I've got things that Facebook needs/wants to see.  Robin might not want to see them, but everyone else does.) (and i have no shame, so I could care less how many photos of my perm are out there.)
6. hair that never needs to be dyed again, but is still my own hair and not a wig.  (note, hair that is just my natural color will not do.  I want it to grow the way that Kristin highlights it.  This can also be accomplished sort of half ass with a gift certificate to Suite One.)
7. Nikon D90.  This is a complete unreasonable request, but it does not change that I want one.  If i have some sort of charitable anonymous reader, I would like a new camera.  And if the charitable donor is a foot freak fan, then I can surely pose for more shoe photos with the camera, so everyone wins.
8. Treadmill (again, not reasonable, but it's on the list)
9. Fashionable footwear.  NO LADY SHOES.
10. A pedicure at that place in Maryland where the fish gnaw off your feet dead skin.  I could not be more serious that I want this.
11. DVDs:  The Princess Diaries, Bring It On, Save the Last Dance, Grease 2, S&TC (all seasons), previous seasons of How I Met Your Mother
12. tap dancing lessons for myself and a friend
13. a food processor
14. news that Ikea will open a location in Vegas (I need bookshelves and other inexpensive furnishings, dammit)
15. A promise from ABC that they will not take Eli Stone, the piemaker or the Darlings away from me.
16. 12 8x10 gallery frames (like the ones from pottery barn) (but not the ones from pottery barn b/c those people are BLOODSUCKERS) so that I can hang my photography that I had printed a year ago.
17. More time with my grandmother
18. a copy of my grandparents' wedding picture so that i can put it out next to their engagement portraits
19. some copies of my parents wedding pictures
20. a professionally taken portrait of myself and the nudists from Petrographique
21. to learn how to knit (i think it would suit my ocd parts)
22. an ample supply of frozen shrimp from costco
23. a sudden distate for foods made with yeast and sugar
24. the ability to digest 24/7 without the aid of drugs
25. a fancy new iPod
26. a baby hippo that should be trained to live in the closet (like my real closet, not a secret gay hippo), not poop and select shoes for me each morning.
27. Sapphire earrings made from a certain piece of jewelry that i already own
28. to have my Justice Blackmun autographs framed for my office, preferably next to an 8x10 glossy of his honor
29. a sound economy for the country
30. lunch with Oprah Winfrey, Hillary Clinton and Toni Morrison.  Another acceptable foursome would be Vice President Elect Joe Biden, John Malkovich and Seonna Hong.  Another acceptable foursome would be George W. Bush, Kathy Griffin and Pat Sajak.  (just imagine the sparks with the last group.  Man, that would be fun.) 
31. An original copy (with all appropriate typographical errors) of The Great Gatsby
32. A baby cat with no hair to name Lemon Chiffon Cupcake if its a girl or The Honorable Justice Harry Blackmun if its a boy (we would call him Hairy for the obvious humor).
33. The ability to sleep for 8 hours straight without drugs.  (or even with less drugs.  I'm not looking for a miracle.) 
34. a matching shelf thing from West Elm to go on the other side of the fire place
35. The ability to go to the evil trinity (West Elm, Whole Foods and Target) without increasing the Danielle deficit.  (If that isn't clear enough, gift cards)
36. a year supply of Corvalen
37. Various Seonna Hong prints which are currently on ebay. 
38. a new job for my brother because he seems pretty bored.
39. A monkey for Kat to hold because I understand the need to fulfill wishes and dreams.
40. A clone Danielle who can keep the house clean and alphabetized
41. a new Shu Umera eyelash curler.  Mine has seen better days.
42. a facial
43. a very large magnifying mirror to allow for even more pleasure when plucking my eyebrows (meaning it makes my face huge, not that the actual mirror is huge)
44. 6 bottles of epsom salt from CVS
45. Tickets to see Kathy Griffin next time she is in town
46. An audition to be on the Wheel (whereupon i will kick Kat's ass.)
47. The ability to wear all of my shoes without pain.  Or an ample supply of Fab Feet. 
48. A hot air balloon ride over red rock (i see them all of the time on my way to work and I always want to be in the balloon and Amanda said it isn't scary)
49. a word of the day calendar with hard words that make me seem smart when i use them in conversations
50. The entire collection of Sweet Valley High and/or Nancy Drew books.

That's all I can think of.  Enjoy.

With love,
Danielle

 

You miss the updatey posts? Here.

1.  For Jo Ann - you asked about the pillow.  It is seriously the generic target kind.  It has no special nonsense like bamboo or memory foam or real bird feathers or anything.  It is medium support "for stomach sleepers."  I still heart it, even though I've been sleeping like shit because I am somewhere between sick and well. 

2.  Tomorrow, I'm going to spend most of my day covering hearings in which I will not speak.  I hope that I do not sneeze constantly and distract the people who will speak. 

3.  I had to face the devil Whole Foods again tonight because I needed my pro-biotics.  I had a take out feast.  West Elm, Target and Whole Foods = danger zones.

4.  It seems I have an overdue library book.  Since I won't return it until Saturday or Sunday, I'm speed reading my way through it.

5.  Go visit Vegas in Heels.  The pictures this week are cool.

6.  I had to cut kitty nails last night.  That white cat turned into a snake again. 

7.  I still want a kitten.

8.  I may take a Photoshop class in October. 

9.  I really want to join a choir, but I simply don't have the time right now.  Between work and being constantly fatigued from whatever inhabits my body, I know I would be taking on too much.  It is my 2009 goal.  I am going to join a choir.

10.  I'm kind of punchy.  Maybe from all of the delicious super market sushi.  I need to sleep, but I know it won't happen if i go upstairs before ten.  so i will finish this and continue my overdue book.  sigh.

Someone put me out of my misery

I am still dying, so i stayed home from work today.  I'm sure this was wise since no one wants my germs and it hurts to sit upright and think.  However, I'm bored.  Periodically, i prop myself up and play online until it makes the ooze shift, then I go horizontal again.  Here's a summary of my day.

• Wake up.  Feel worse than last night, as if that is possible with no visible wounds or something life threateing.  Not going to the office.  Stay in bed.
• Decide have been in bed FOREVER and it is probably noon and I have slept the longest amount of time ever.  Look at clock.  It's not even nine. 
• Go downstairs.  Look around for food that will not hurt if I start vomiting again.  Decide brownie and mucinex are best choices for breakfast.
• Try to read.  Read same sentence over and over and over because it just doesn't make sense.  I'm reading about a vampire queen, not something deep, so I give up and turn to tv.
• Settle on the food network.  Get bored.
• Try The Price is Right.  Determine that show SUCKS now that Bob Barker is gone.  Ban for life.
• Gross part (You have been warned!):  Cough up most eye catching thing that I've ever coughed up since Sinus Infection 1998 during which I watched the Coal Miner's Daughter over and over and over.  I considered taking a photo, but then realized that I'm the only person who wouldn't start screaming at me if i tried to show them.  It was enormous, had interesting texture, and was comprised of many colors.
• play on computer for as long as can sit upright (not long).
• Lay on couch.  fall asleep.  Wake up to hear ina garten's voice and convince self that I have been asleep for HOURS and it is evening time and The Boy will be home soon.  Look at clock.  It's 2. 
• Fever went away while laying on couch.  Cough seems to have gone away too.  Ooze still present.  Ooze probably kicked ass of fever and cough because it wants world domination.
• Look for food and drink.  Settle on apple juice intended for the wee petri dishes.  Decide only possible road to healing is if have ginger ale. 
• Work up courage to take shower.  (because, as you probably know, when one is infected with the Ooze, the shower can be wondrous or it can be oh so bad.)
• Take shower.  Stare in fear/delight at the technicolor Ooze-fest that comes out.  Feel Ooze shift.  Feel fear of leaving shower because Ooze shift means troops have been reawakened and are planning Surge.
• Turn into prune.  Get out of shower.  Immediately feel Ooze reactivating in new battle formation. 
• Wash face.  Notice world's largest zit on forehead and wonder if there is any justice.
• Talk to The Boy.  Inform that I intend to go outside and buy ginger ale because I will be dead soon anyway. 
• Sit upright and screw around on computer (present real time description).
• Lingering fear that perhaps going .5 miles for ginger ale not wise.  Consider option of additional daytime television.  looming death....  daytime television....  anger the Ooze....  daytime television....  I'm going to get ginger ale.  I figure it will take hours since I'm moving at a snail's pace and that will take me right until TV becomes tolerable and then i will watch along with a refreshing cup of ginger ale.

Holy Crap

Today's schedule: 

1.  Eat cereal (in progress RIGHT NOW).
2.  Get shower.
3.  Shape eyebrows.
4.  Gather everything on earth that I may need for today and load up vehicle.
5. Meet Stef and go to Mandalay Bay for earthshattering makeover.
6. Find something to eat that won't make me throw up and won't mess up my lipstick.
7. Go to final destination. 
8.  Figure out how to best use Spanx.
9.  Squish giant bosom into ivory dress.
10.  Get married.
11.  Dance.
12.  Return home.
13.  Collapse.

Updatey Goodness

1.  My hair looks awesome.  My ass does not.

2.  My bruise has healed. 

3.  I get to see my parents and my brother and his wife for the first time in months this week.  They are getting on a plane and coming to Vegas.

4.  Leslie already got herself on a plane and I saw her today for the first time in months.  Awesome.

5.  Have I mentioned that there is a matrimonial type thing happening on Saturday? 

6.  Have I mentioned that I will be going to Hawaii for a week after that?

7.  I'm going to have fried turkey for the first time this year.  I like fried stuff.   

8.  I'm voting for Hillary in January.  Heh.  (That one's for The Boy and Jo Ann.)  I'd vote for Biden, but he has no chance and I'd prefer that someone make him Secretary of State.  He can't keep his mouth shut in public and I appreciate that about him. 

9.  The Boy is obsessed with watching videos about the Kennedy assassination.  I was not happy when I was tricked into watching one. 

I am a vain moron

1.  I am very vain. 
2.  Although I am a natural blonde, I feel that my arms are hairy.
3.  To get rid of the hair, I decided to get my arms waxed.
4.  This is what happened to my arm as a result of the waxing.
5.  I want to stress that this was done by a professional.  I wasn't pulling some at home shit with something that looked neato at Ulta.
6.  It is extremely painful. 
7.  I will not be doing this again.  I assume that my arms are now too scared to grow hair in the future.
8.  The waxer then did my facial. 
9.  I'm way too vain to post a picture of the pretty new hair that i got later in the day because my face looks like i have chicken pox. 
10.  In conclusion, the lady that did my hair removal is fired.  The lady that does my regular hair is the best.  Kristin from Arcs, A Robert Cromeans Salon in Mandalay Bay.  She has highlighting skillz.

A long, but worthwhile wait

Dear Dancing with the Stars,

1.  I have missed you so much.  Thank you so much.  I've watched so many episodes of What Not To Wear that I walk around saying things like "bonjour tushie."  And, I mean, I love Stacy and Clinton, but I need variety.

2.  I still hate Samantha Harris, so imagine my delight when she gave birth and her newborn requires care.  and OMG, Drew Lachey was the best surprise ever.  I hope they keep him. 

3.  I voted for Jane Seymour.  That Cheetah Girl was super good, but Jane Seymour wowed me.  She was outstanding. 

4.  Wayne Newton is the most spray tanned, orange man on earth.  I am scared to see him tomorrow. 

1.  I am sick AGAIN.  I need to know precisely how much exposure one must have to kiddie germs before one builds a proper immunity?

2.  Daytime television SUCKS.  I can barely even describe the sucking.  There was a chick in a bonnet or something on All My Children.  I assume she is the child of one of the characters that I recognize because he/she looks EXACTLY the same as they did 20 years ago when I was up to date on the show.

3.  Dude, this barefoot contessa lady just emphasized slicing kiwi to emphasize the seeds.  Like I need this shit.

4.  How many tv judges are there these days? 

5.  If your stomach is already upset, you are free to eat as much leftover dora cake as possible.  Because, really, if you aren't properly digesting it in the first place, you only get like half of the calories or something.

6.  I haven't showered today.  Stop effing judging me.

Home for the Holidays

Talked to my mother this morning.  I'm going home for Thanksgiving.  This rocks for the following reasons:

1. I get to see my family.
2. I have an appointment set for Friday to see Allen and Jeremy for my hair.  My hair is finally going to look awesome again.
3. I am making an appointment with Tonia at Ooh La La to get my perfect eyebrows back.
4. I'm going to go shoe shopping at MJM.
5. I'm going to bring home my train case of make up so that I can finally be fully stocked with MAC products again.
6. I get to see my family and hopefully a few friends.

It is going to be great.  Yay.

Sometimes, my special time with the TV gets me thinking

1. Body glitter is gross.
2. Glitter hairspray is gross.
3. Why does Shanna Moakler keep wearing that pointy thing in her hair?
4. Why does Joey Lawrence look so... 
5. Why do I watch this live instead of on the dvr?

Reflections on the Difference that a Week Can Make

Um, last week at this time, I wanted nothing more than to be struck by lightening so that I didn't have to go to the bar exam.  Here are some things that happened today.  (in list format, duh)

1. I met a baby today.  He told me (with his eyes, of course) that I am a rad bitch and that, even though I was wearing flip flops, he sensed that I had awesome shoes.  I took pictures of his tiny feet to say thanks.
2. I had fish tacos with Stef at Rosarita's.  While this means nothing to most of you, it means one important thing to me:  carrot pickles.  These taco shops are equipped with a fixins bar.  Remember?  Like at Roy Rogers before Roy Rogers was only found in rest stops along the Jersey Turnpike.  The taco shop fixins bar has pickled carrot slices.  I LOVE them.  They are sort of spicy.  They are sheer perfection when paired with fish tacos.  I love Rosarita's. 
3. I didn't do a g.d. thing this afternoon.  We did go to the grocery palace and, between this trip to Von's and the trips to Whole Foods and Costco over the weekend, we should never need to grocery shop again.  EVER.
4. I want to see Talladega Nights:  The Ballad of Ricky Bobby more than anything else.  I do not care if it is sad.  It looks funny.  (sorry, just saw a commercial)
5. I watched an episode of SVU and my beloved Detectives Stabler and Benson saved the world.  They are awesome.  I love them too. 
6. There is nothing on tv. 

Tomorrow, expect such excitement as buying a tripod and ....  That's it.  That's all I got.

Sunday night list

1.  I have a blister on my finger.  It is a stove top popcorn related wound.  Popcorn definitely helps with freehold estates.  But only if you use Lawry's Seasoned Salt.

2.  The aforementioned popcorn was made with olive oil because we didn't have any corn oil.  Corn oil is now on the shopping list.  But it isn't creepy gross.  And, yeah, I needed the popcorn that bad. 

3.  As my hair color starts to look more normal, the cut gets worse.  I have a horn sticking out of the back. 

4.  The remedial outline is taking me FOREVER to read.  But, it's now and tomorrow, or next weekend when I start freaking out.  So this seems like a fine time.

5.  My car looks like a sexxxy bitch with the new window tinting. 

6.  I have PMS, which is why I am such a raging lunatic.