Kitten a Go-Go

Bar Exam FAQ #7

Was it hard?

Um, yeah.  You see, I can't even begin to explain it to you because you don't understand the absurdity of a crossover question with professional responsibility and constitutional law.

[Yes, those that understand what I mean - that's what we got.  A g.d. crossover question for professional responsibility.  I'm hoping they will admit their mistake and give us a real one on Thursday.]

Bar Exam FAQ #6

How did it go?

I want to rip my eyes out so that I can't read and then I don't have to go tomorrow. 

Bar Exam FAQ #5

[Without skipping a beat, the conversationalist from Bar Exam FAQ #4 continues on...]  So, do you feel ready?  How do you think you are going to do?

Honestly, I think I'm going to die before I even sit down to start my first essay.  Panic attacks like these must mean something, right?  And if I can't sleep, how, I ask you - HOW am I supposed to memorize a damn thing? 

The only thing I am ready for is the look of disappointment in everyone's eyes when the results are posted in October or November or whenever it is that they do that.  Because, you see, there is no possible way that my every bar exam dream is going to come true.  Oh no. 

There won't be an essay on Wills or Family Law.  Just because I need those to pass this damn thing.  I won't see a happy little question on the concurrent estates in land.  Or anything on contracts.  No easy evidence question where I simply hope that I'm picking the right hearsay exceptions...

In return for some horrific karmic debt that I have accrued, there NV will feature its first full essay ever on Commercial Paper, another essay on Secured Transactions, another on the shit that I can't remember about Corporations and some weirdness on Civil Procedure I didn't even know I was supposed to study. 

And the professional responsibility question that I know I'm going to get?  Guaranteed to be on that Sarbanes Oxley stuff that I didn't look at.  Crimes?  I assure you that it will be something weird about wandering livestock, because I said, hmmmm, I don't think they're going to ask about this, so let me concentrate on stuff like murder. 

Let's see...  that leaves two other questions that they can ask about.  Probably security interests in land because they're right up there with security interests in collateral on my list.  The last one will be the most hideous crossover question that has ever existed.  I promise you that it will involve conflicts, remedies (not injunctions or specific performance either) and something else I'm not expecting like Torts.

The MPT, my one and only savior (which I haven't looked at in well over a month, so it might not be my savior after all) will be some crazy maze with a fake UCC section on something like letter of credit rights (#12 on the list of collateral, the only thing I know about Secured).

What's that, dear friend?  You don't know what I'm talking about and you nodded off there for a second?  Let me sum it up.

No, after two months, I'm still not ready.  No, I haven't left the house in six days.  (Yes, my hair looks like shit, I know, but I have been showering.)  No, I don't want to talk about it.  And, please, please please don't ask me how I think it went after it's done, okay? 

Bar Exam FAQ #4

Hey, Isn't the bar exam next week?

I hate you.  Yes, asshole, it is next week.  I detest you for not being as preoccupied with it as I am.  I envy you because you clearly aren't taking it.  I despise you because you reminded me that I am not just studying for the g.d. fun of it.  I beg you to stop talking to me until sometime after 2 p.m. on Thursday, 7/28/2006.

Bar Exam FAQ #3

So, are you feeling ready?

NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  [To be read aloud in the hissing voice that i associate with the little naked fellow from Lord of the Rings that everyone compares with Tiki.]  I feel better than I did last week, but just like two wrongs don't make a right, that doesn't mean I am ready.  I am closer than I was.  But only like a centimeter.  There's still a 10k out there to go. 

I'm hoping for the best.  That is - I'm hoping that the bar examiners have heard my pleas and will ask the kind of questions that I desperately need to see in order to pass. 

I am embarking on my last real week of studying to absorb.  Next Saturday begins the short term memorization from little outlines with big ideas.  Y'all know what that means, right?  Yes, you do.  Freaking out, crying in the bathroom, batshit CRAZY Danielle. 

So, no, I'm not ready.  I never will be ready.  Even if I pass, I will say it was but a fluke.  Please make this stop....

Bar Exam FAQ #2

So, what you are you going to do today?

Um, oh my god, are you an idiot?  I'm going to do the same damn thing that I do every freaking day.  I'm going to eat a bowl of cereal, take a shower, check my email, check flickr and study.  Then, I'm going to try some practice questions.  I'm going to do so poorly that I am fighting back tears because there is no feasible way that I am going to pass the bar.  Then I'm going to comfort myself with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, pickles and cool ranch Doritos because there is no greater comfort food meal.  Then, if you are lucky, I will grace the outside world with my presence if it isn't so hot that my skin might melt.  Then, when I get home, I'm going back to studying.  Then, I will do more questions that deal stunning blows to my self-esteem.  I will then search job listings for things that don't involve passing the bar because I am NEVER going to be an actual lawyer.  Then, I'm going to do laundry.  I might not be able to correctly solve a question on the MBE, but I can push the buttons on the laundry machine like a champ.  Then, I'm going to call my mom and hear about how insane everyone in our extended family is.  Then, I'm going to make Kevin cook something for me.  I'm going to blog.  Then study some more.  When I am so tired that I can no longer function, I'm going to take a handful of pills (some Rx, some OTC because the Rx stuff no longer does the trick) and I'm going to think about how awesome it would be to take the pills with a couple of glasses of wine, but I won't drink the wine.  Then I will go to bed.  I won't be able to sleep for a while because my nerves are shot.  Eventually, I will sleep but the cat will wake me up at least twice.  Then I have to get up and repeat. 

Stop asking me stupid questions.

Bar Exam FAQ #1

I can't seem to fall asleep.  Since I have already taken my nighty night cocktail, I am useless for retaining any type of knowledge, so we will now begin a new feature that I will call Bar Exam FAQ.  As a fellow blogger at BarExam06 pointed out, "They" don't often know what it means to take the bar.  I'm hoping this little segment can assist.  For my non-legal readers (which i believe is 2 out of the five of you), please feel free to submit questions if there are things that you are curious about.  Fellow examinees, if there are things you would like me to explain to the masses, I'm happy to address any issues that you come up with.  And now, today's installment.

The bar exam is just a test.  You've been taking tests in school and doing well for your entire life.  Isn't this the same thing. 

No, it goddamn isn't the same thing.  The bar exam shakes me to my very core.  It is a beast that must be slayed.  It is all of my fears and low self-esteem moments trapped into one three day marathon. 

Sure, it is just a test.  But to those taking it, it is much more than a test.  It is the difference between being a lawyer and not being a lawyer.  As this is how we get licensed, they make the bitch hard as hell.  In Nevada, I will spend all of one day answering essay questions.  The next day, I will answer an ungodly amount of the hardest multiple choice questions that exist on this earth.  Then, I will come back on the third day and answer four more essay questions. 

To do well on said beast, I will have to do the following: 

1. Commit to memory all important parts of 18 legal subjects.  Subjects that took a long, long time to learn in the first place.  Some, I never learned in the first place and I'm simply hoping for the best.
2. Learn to apply all of the crap that I have memorized.  Fortunately, the MC questions are based on a mere six subjects.  Every subject can be an essay.  And these essays - they're tricky too!
3. Keep a watchful eye on the clock because, frankly, they expect you to be able to complete these applications in a very short period of time. 
4. Don't let my nerves get the best of me in the process.

So, yes, it's just a test.  But it is the most important test I will probably have to take.  And I think I speak for all of those taking it when I say - We don't want to take it again!!  That's why we are all so crazed and speaking in tongues.  And, dear friends, when you say it is just a test, it is like you have slapped us.  Because, for us, right now, it has taken over our entire lives.  And sure, you can try to put it into perspective by saying it is just a test, but it is the last hurdle I've got to jump before I can make my educational and occupational dreams a reality.  So, sure, just a test.  But right now, it's the only test that means anything.  The others were simply warm ups.