Kitten a Go-Go

More Natural Sugars

I ordered this cookbook about 800 years ago.

It finally arrived.  Looks like I'll be making some new attempts at baking with agave nectar.  There are some recipes that call for honey and that isn't happening.  Nor are any recipes that call for stevia because I hate that crap.  I do want to make that pretty thing on the front cover, but I don't know if my culinary skills will ever be there.

Surprise Me, Trebek

Dear Tree-Beck,

Recently, you stated that many viewers had written in and commented that they liked the new set.  I realize it is your 26th season, but OMG, that new set is hideous.  It is like an awful abstract doctor's office print, but in a giant television set.  It was au courant in 1985.  Not now.  It looks like shit.  Please change it back. 

In addition, I do NOT approve of the new sound that it makes when the clues are coming onto the board.  I do not like change and that was completely without purpose.  Don't you have focus groups for this sort of thing??? 

Please stop wearing brown suits.  It makes the 1985 set look even more gross.

With a lot of grumbling,
Your show's biggest fan, but not your biggest fan,
Danielle

Weekend To Do List

Yesterday morning, I made an exhaustive to do list of everything that I ideally wanted to get done this weekend.  Here's what got done:

1. Fill out phone rebate paperwork
2. Find microwave manual (door is broken)
3. Find refrigerator manual (water thing is still broken)
4. Clean out drawer of manuals (so 2 & 3 won't happen again)
5. Clean out junk drawer
6. Clean out small appliance cabinets
7. Deposit at bank
8. Upload photos for a friend
9. Place all baking ingredients into pretty new labeled jars (since I have 6 kinds of flour and arrowroot to deal with now)
10. Dust downstairs
11. Pay bills
12. Massage
13. Eyebrows
14. Pedi (this was a bad idea because I really shouldn't have soaked the new tattoo)
15. Blog updates
16. Clean powder room
17. Clean cable box (if you had a greasy hairless cat, you'd understand why this is a separate task)
18. Order prints of photo of grandparents
19. Laundry
20. Find a boy to send B2's clothes to
21. Deal with stack of coupons
22. Deal with stack of old magazines
23. Get stuff off of bar so it can go upstairs
24. Get stuff from nursery
25. Put away crap on floor
26. Make sure all new shows scheduled to tape
27. Clean out purse (purse is big and is magnet for receipts)
28. Re-pot plants for work
29. Clean kitchen window and sill (another favorite perch for the cats)
30. Clean and organize stuff in laundry room
31. Switch out recycling bins in kitchen
32. Transfer money to ING
33. Clean armoire (this wouldn't be so bad if the wee petri dishes weren't nursing future hoarding disorders)
34. Create place for baking pyrex to live
35. Clean out sample drawer (all gone and now home of baking pyrex)

These are the things I didn't get done:

1. Find art receipts for recent paintings sold
2. Find art authentication certificate for print sold
3. Vacuum downstairs (hopefully I can do this tomorrow after work)
4. Clean inside of car (I did technically throw everything into the back seat, so at least someone can sit in the car comfortably).
5. See if color printer still works
6. Mop kitchen floor (I scrubbed the biggest offending areas while doing other stuff)
7. Cat baths (they'll still be dirty all week, so meh)
8. Clean our bathroom (upstairs is probably going to be next week's project.  Our sitting room is also a huge mess.)
9. Dust all blinds (moving forward to next weekend
10. Change sheets (this will happen tomorrow since Brian went to bed before I could do it)
11. Organize clothes to send to Laura D and Robin C.
12. Move boxes upstairs

In addition, I completed the following items that were not on the list:

1. Bake one batch of health almond thins (none for Kellie)
2. Bake one batch health chocolate chip cookies
3. Make health three bean salad
4. Perform an unmentionable act on cat in distress (the post traumatic stress probably contributed to why I didn't finish more stuff)
5. Grocery shopping
6. Visit sunflower for one item and spend $50
7. Purchase Brita water filter since fridge will not dispense water and I am damn sick of buying gallons of water WHEN MY FRIDGE IS SUPPOSED TO PROVIDE WATER WITHOUT WASTEFUL PACKAGING
8. Selected fall/Halloween art piece for my office.  (Trading out one Seonna Hong for another.  The drawing of the Princess of Darkness will be nice for Halloween.)
9. Spent a lot of time thinking about how much I wanted to take a nap but couldn't because a list was ruining my life
10. Sent offensive emails to Robin to cheer self up after traumatic cat incident
11. Repeatedly assured husband that he does not have swine flu
12. Got scolded for not informing massage therapist that I got a new tattoo because I did not know it counted as something he "should know about"
13. Sent mind control thoughts to Kat because I showed her mine and she hasn't shown me hers
14. Tried to figure out a way to break up with threading lady that I keep getting stuck with because she doesn't get the whole super arched 50s housewife look that I'm going for
15. Realized that it was Ramadan and ate a cookie during daylight in Nudrat's honor
16. Remembered that I don't like football and don't get what all of the fuss is about
17. Got pissed that the supermarket was so crowded - shouldn't everyone have been watching football
18. Got pissed at supermarket when I didn't have enough bags with me and they put a watermelon in a plastic bag, which then blew away in the parking lot and I chased it for a bit, much to Brian's delight, but I couldn't catch it
19. Discovered that lidocaine patches are almost as awesome as having naturally blonde hair
20. Lamented that no one makes a laser that will remove blonde hair from yeti arms through laser hair removal (although it is okay because I can't afford laser hair removal)
21. Discovered that I still can't watch any specials on 9/11 because I will cry like a baby
22. Continued designing Tiffany Liu commission in my head (Yes, there is a rainbow AND a unicorn involved)

Fibromyalgia Diaries: Health Food Porn, Installment #43

As we all know, I've been trying to make healthy sweets using agave nectar and other alternative ingredients.  [Note, all of the things that I make are "health _____," regardless of the butter content, etc.  If there is no sugar or white flour, it's health _______.]  My husband was the only one who really appreciated my health brownies.  They were dry.  Sort of like stale chocolate cake, but really dense.  Want to know how to make health brownies good?  Whipped cream.  It's no secret that I make the world's greatest homemade whipped cream.  I believe this is entirely because I use super high quality vanilla and I freeze those components for a while before whipping. 

I am happy to report that health whipped cream is just as delicious as the regular sugar based kind that I perfected ages ago.  Definitely a good addition to the health brownie.

 

Last weekend, I also made health chocolate pudding.  It involved carob powder and tofu.  It was ... vile.  We all ate the whipped cream off the top and the rest went into the disposal.  Very nasty. 

Tomorrow, I'll probably make some more cookies.  I finally found grain sweetened chocolate chip cookies, so I may try to make the chocolate chip cookies again.  They were dry last time.  That's one thing that I can say about all of the recipes.  Everything seems really dry...

Not My President

Gosh, I remember long ago how fussy people would get when the evil liberals referred to Bush as "not my president."  Now, I understand there is quite a frenzy over the evil indoctrination of our country's youth through an address by the president. 

Do you know what I've read?  Not my president.  Oh my.  Isn't that what people got in trouble for saying before with W?  Pot+kettle=black. 

Folks, I am a moderate democrat, even though in the land of conservative country, I am painted to be an uber-liberal.  I am so sick of polarizing politics.  I'm so sick of being called a socialist.  Although, amusingly, one of the Republicans at work pointed out that we have many successful socialized institutions.  Note, not one of my arguments.

Obama isn't a magician and he came into a pile of shit.  I'm sure that the other side argues that Clinton is the one who left the pile of shit. Honestly, no one is ever going to be happy. 

In the legal profession, a successful mediation is one in which no one leaves happy.  Perhaps we need to start remembering that and learning to negotiate.  Politics shouldn't be a whole lot different than the law.

Can you just imagine if you suddenly became a socialist from a presidential address? 

It's funny because I somehow formed my own opinions, some of which differ greatly from my family.  Most notably, I went through four years of Catholic school and I don't believe in God.  I didn't when I started and I was ridiculed by my teachers and told that I didn't know what I was talking about and that I would change my mind.  I should have made some bets.  Just because you have more experience in life than someone doesn't mean that they are unable to understand and form their own opinions.  You can try to create clones of yourself or you can raise children who can speak their mind and articulate their rationale.  (FYI to at least five teachers that I remember - I still don't believe in God.  I am a Buddhist and damn proud of who I have become.  I am a good person even though I don't believe the same things as you.)

Oh, but wait, I don't get a voice in this debate.  I'm not a mother.  Sorry for speaking up.  I certainly have no idea of the importance of shaping cookie cutter versions of myself and my beliefs.

Sleep Deprivation

I slept well this weekend.  Until last night.  A school night.  I tried every trick in the book.  Nighty night cocktail.  Cold room.  Leave for a change of scenery after 30 minutes or so.  Play Bookworm.  Try to sleep more.  Fail.  Eventually lay on couch with cats and hope for the best.  I fell asleep around 2 am.  Understandably, this has put me on edge today.

Then, when I was driving home, I stopped at the mailbox in the cul de sac.  At that time, my car battery died.  My yuppie panic attacks are notable and not pretty.  My yuppie panic attacks on little sleep are quite a vision.  There was nonstop cursing.  I threw a tantrum because I wanted to put on my pajamas, but I couldn't because I had to wait for various members of the AAA family to visit my home.  Fortunately, the battery is swapped, so I can calm my ass down. 

Hopefully this won't affect tonight's sleep.  I am going to start the rest of the cocktail soon.  I have court first thing in the morning, so I really hope that this is an okay night.  Please, body, cooperate.

An Orchid for You

Dear Mommom,

Today, I did something that you wouldn't approve of.  I got an orchid tattoo on my ankle in your honor.  I've always said that the tattoo on my right foot was so that I would have success on every step of life's journey.  Well, I also want you watching over me on every step.  So that's why I wanted the orchid on my left foot.  I assume that the pain felt while getting the tattoo is equivalent to the pain of you bopping me over the head for something so silly.  It was extremely painful and I was very emotional when I drove home.  I miss you. 

 

I love you,
Danielle

I Heart Kamira

I went to high school with an amazing woman, Kamira.  At that time and to this day, I have stated that if I was a black woman, I want to be Kamira.  It helps that she is about a foot taller than me and has the most amazing cleveage YOU WILL EVER SEE.  However, this is not about her bosoms or about how generally awesome that I think she is.  (Although I will quickly state that I thank FB for bringing her back into my life because I LOVE IT WHEN SHE'S AROUND.  She is one of those people that you just love.)

Today, she was reading the newspaper online and was disturbed by what she read.  She was moved to action and posted the following reply.  I am posting it here because I want to applaud her.  She stands up for what is important.  I FREQUENTLY censor myself on FB (not here, really, but I am pretty sure more people read my FB statuses) because I don't want to offend someone.  I am, in essence, a chicken shit.  Why, I don't know.  I'm surely opinionated and sassy otherwise. 

Bravo, Kamira.  I'm proud of you for putting this out there and I know it will stick with some of the pricks the comment was directed to.   

Kamira's comment:

"I am a life long *** resident, and I read the *** on line every day. Each day I am more and more disappointed with some of the residents of this county. To the person who posts as "[ASSHAT]": Yes, I am going to call you a racist. However, if I am to use the comments posted on this site as any judge, the vast majority of the county is apparently racist.

If you have not lived in someone's shoes, you cannot judge them. End of story. Let us be clear- there are communities in distress. Communities need to ban together to make positive strides for themselves, neighboring communities, their children, and all future generations. But to "pass the buck" and state that its Section 8, Welfare, or Blacks who have caused all of this is ridiculously irresponsible. These services are in place to assist those who are downtrodden. One day, you may find yourself in need! WE ALL must work together. If you are concerned about your neighborhood, be a positive part of the solution. Otherwise, you are part of the problem. Contact your local police about instituting a Neighborhood Watch. Be the person who creates a watch program on your block, to inspire the next block to do the same. Go out and clean your sidewalk. Take pride in your surroundings. AND STOP JUDGING. You do not know the things that are going on in people's lives.

Some people are quick to blame Blacks, Latinos, or other ethnic groups for an issue. The next time a white child shoots up a school, [ASSHAT], [ASSHAT2], and all the others who post on here with their racist comments, I'd like to see your opinion on the raising of that white child. I'm sure you'll say s/he listened to rap music or some such nonsense.

As an aside, I work in a 2 year college. There are students who come into my office trying to get letters to help them "beat" the Welfare system. Guess what? They're White. Abuse of the system is a human condition, not a racial one.

If I sound as though I'm taking this personally, I readily admit that I am. Yes, I am Black. I also live in xxx. I also have a Bachelor's from [GOOD PHILLY SCHOOL]. And before one of the "racist posters" makes an affirmative action comment, why yes, I did get every scholarship in the book... because I aced my SATs. You have a right to your opinion, and a right to free speech. I'm just asking that before you make broad and sweeping generalizations, you also exercise your right to think.

Thanks for letting me vent."

Fibromyalgia Diaries: The I've had enough of this bullshit entry

Dear Immune System,

Over the years, I've come to realize that our relationship is chilly, at best.  We don't really get along.  Your constant need for attention.  Your refusal to follow accepted protocol.  Your unwillingness to get back to work after working really hard to combat an illness.  (You don't get a free ride for months after every minor illness!)  Your reluctance to accept healing medicines.  Your arrogant "look at me! pay attention to me!" attitude. 

Let's be clear - there is only room for one crazy unstable semi-narcissist in this relationship.  ME.  You have got to get it through your head that you are not running the show.  I AM. 

Due to the deterioration of our relationship, I am forced to present this cease-and-desist letter.  Here are my demands.

1.  Stop being such an attention whore.  That is my job and I am still pretty low-key about it (except for my desire to be a famous game show contestant). 

2.  Stop wasting my damn money.  $750 at the doctor today.  Because of your insolence, we have to see the super fancy doctor who doesn't take insurance.  It seems that pneumonia wasn't enough for you.  Now you have to rev up the ole EBV again.  I want a commissioned Tiffany Liu painting that I can already see in my head.  I do not want to continually shell out money to deal with your dumb ass.

3.  Stop using all of the same old excuses.  It's like we have a script.  Oh, Danielle works her ass off at everything she does and isn't paying enough attention to me, so I better use... EBV to get her attention.  Epstein Barr is so dull, Immune System.  You can't even come up with a normal illness that people BELIEVE IN. 

4.  Start accepting medication.  Every time, it's the same broken record.  Nope, you won't get that shot and will make me faint if I try it.  Nope, no IVs - you shrink all of the veins in my body.  (What if I wanted to be a junkie?  I'd fail because of you.)  No anti-viral medications because you make me throw up. Nothing at all to heal the EBV so that I can act like a normal human. 

5.  Stop making parts of me numb. You are really going above and beyond lately.  First, you started your crap in the spring and now I can't wear heels.  (Thanks for that since I have a rather expensive and very beautiful shoe collection.)  Now, you have started again.  My entire left cheek feels like there are tiny little bugs are dancing inside my skin.  The IV briefly made that stop, and you got pissed and moved the numb part to my forehead.  Try making it go away forever.  Face, legs and arms.  I'm sick of this shit.  I know I had pneumonia, but THAT WAS TWO MONTHS AGO.  Your time to shine is DONE. 

Do all of these things NOW.  I have had enough.  I am tired.  I am sick of spending money on health care for the same things over and over and over.  As my wise mother would say, knock your shit off. 

With hate,
Danielle

It Ain't Easy Being Light Sage

It seems that at least two people I know are under the impression that I am "green."  The Southern Girl specifically said it.  I figure I should clear this up for her because I know she doesn't know quite what to make of my lil dem self.  So let me explain.

I am not green.  Robin is green.  I have other friends who are green.  Like St. Patrick's day.  But I'm not there.  Sure, I recycle.  I turn out lights.  When we bother replacing burnt out light bulbs, I try to buy swirly bulbs.  I decided not to use a particular laundry product because the packaging couldn't be recycled.  It's a good start. 

In fact, I am so not green, Robin was able to enter me into a contest where prizes were involved for the non-green status of my cleaning supplies.  We won a prize.  I'm that green.  (Not until I get my starter kit of green cleaning supplies.)

Both of our air conditioner units are always at work and I like it COLD.  We never have the windows open.  We live too close to that stupid mountain and everyone (including that big dumb white cat) sneezes nonstop.  I use an obscene amount of paper at work each day, which I do not always recycle.  I have wasted thousands of pages on cases that I could have read online, but I didn't because I hate reading on a screen.  And we like paper towels and use a lot of them.

We also have ample amounts of dry cleaning.  We have all sorts of stuff that is always plugged in, like our computers and a cell phone charger and clocks and the dvr and ...  You see what I mean. 

I drive a Honda.  Not a prius or anything else.  I hope to buy my car at the end of my lease so that I will be driving that honda for a long time. 

So, while I enjoy being called green, I'm not.  Trust me.  I will be.  Someday.  But it's a process.  Baby steps.

Fibromyalgia Diaries: Dr's Visit Eve Edition

I still haven't gotten a decent night of sleep.  Brian suggested taking two Klonipin and I was all "but MJ..." and he said that still wasn't the same thing.  So I bought a vat of Tylenol PM and I am reintroducing that to the mix and I am hoping for the best.

When I don't sleep, my fibro flares are MISERABLE.  My legs hurt all of the time.  They can be moving, not moving, carried by flying kittens and it doesn't matter.  They ache.  My arms aren't much different. 

The annoying numb patches are back.  My left cheek has been numb on and off for the past couple of days.  I have work the wig of numb repeatedly this week too.

Fortunately, Dr. Garcia had a cancellation and I am going to visit her tomorrow.  I anticipate a long discussion about stress and pushing oneself too hard while recovering from pneumonia.  I also anticipate that my thyroid meds will be upped again.  Hopefully she won't quarantine me from going out in the public.  (Actually, that might not be so bad for a few days until the forest fires quit the smokey desert thing.) 

We'll see what happens tomorrow.  At least she will be seeing me during one of my worst flares with the stupid numb patches.