Today

Today is one of those days where I feel like I can't do it any more.  I am pushing my body too hard.  I am fatigued to a point where every inch of my body hurts.  My head hurts.  My scalp tingles.  Patches of my legs go numb without any warning or reason.  Then suddenly the numbness goes away.  I am exhausted.  I can't think clearly.  It hurts to think. 

I have volunteered for too much.  Taken on too many upcoming commitments.  Need to better realize my own limitations.  I cannot do everything.  I am not super woman.  Right now, I cannot be kind.  I cannot be compassionate.  I can focus only on how much pain I am in and how no amount of sleep seems to make it better. 

I can't focus on anything but the new pain and what the new pain could mean.  I don't know that I can handle any new diagnosis.  I need this to be "just fibro." 

Today is a day when I don't know how to keep up with everyone else in the race.  I cannot do it.  The thought of getting out of bed tomorrow hurts my head.  But it doesn't matter if I get 7 or 15 hours.  It is a cycle that never stops. 

I don't make this any easier on myself.  I keep taking on more and more.  I can't keep up.  But I don't want to disappoint.  No one wants to hear that you are tired.  No one wants to hear that you don't want to be around people.  No one is going to give you a pass for fatigue.  Not in my business. 

My scalp won't stop tingling. My head won't stop throbbing.  The tears have started. 

Today has not been a good day.  I am going to bed and hoping for a better day tomorrow. 

Comments

[Jo Ann (been there, done that)]

"I don't want to disappoint." These are some of the most dangerous words I have ever read. Ok, now it's my turn to rant. Screw the grammar - just read the message.

First of all, you are human. I know that it hurts to hear that, but it's true. You spread yourself so thin that you no longer have "me time." You are a lawyer, a wife, a step-mother, a fashionista, a shopper, a reader, a writer, and a volunteer. Enough! Do what the rest of the world wants to do - go to work, come home, take off your shoes and bra, and chill. Just pour a glass of something that makes you happy, sit in a chair, and relax. That's it - no writing, no blogging, no fashion shopping, no foot psychics, etc. Just take the keys out of the car and then put the keys away. You are home and you should relax. Turn off the damned computer and listen to music. Putz around the house and organize something that makes your life easier to have organized.

Maybe it's because I am old, but I learned a long time ago that the most powerful word in the English language is "No." When demands are made on your "me time," just pull a Nancy Reagan and say "No." That's it. I'm not saying that this will solve your physical problems, but it will give you time to think things through.

Sorry for the rant, but it was a long time coming. I care about you and I don't want to see you end up as a pill-popping, over-medicated, wash up by the time you are 40. It has happened to people in my life and I don't want to see it happen to you.

Make Danielle your new priority. Just give it a try.

[Stef]

So JoAnn it doesn't matter how old you are because your advice is ageless. My mom always followed it. She always took time for herself and never volunteered for anything. Now I pretty much do the same thing. It totally works.

Not to make light of your physical problems GF but less stress will help that too in some way. My Two Cents: that fucking book club needs to be the first to go. All due respect, you do not "have" to go to that meeting on Saturday. You CAN in fact, just pull a Nancy Reagan and say NO.

Luv,
"Hotness"

[boy]

I love you.