Kitten a Go-Go

Emails to Daughter - More about Turtles.

Daughter,

Saved two on the way to the shop today.

They're not only cantankerous, but quite odoriferous. I've been scrubbing my hands as if I've got OCD and Eau de'turtle is still lingering.

 

Thought you may find a close up (pretty close anyhow) of the business end of a large, angry turtle interesting. She should be happy that she's didn't end up under the tire of the new Ford Mustang mommy & daddy just bought little Johnny to celebrate his latest weekend at rehab.

 

 

Emails to Daughter: Did you get microsoft/aol crap?

Daughter,

I got one of those pestious emails today that if I forward said email to all my contacts, I collect $241.00 for each respondent. This cash is due to a Microsoft/AOL collaberation to track one of their beta programs. Someone who's a lawyer got a check for $24K+ and his sister's boyfriend got $4.3K. They claim this email can be tracked and as soon as it's forwarded, you start racking up the cash.

Seems like urban legend, emBelliSishment or just an outright scam to locate live addresses to send more spam.  Would you like me to forward it to you? It would pay for a couple fishing trips.

 

Speaking of which, it was a truely glorious day at the ocean. Caught striper and kingfish and put them in ma belly with jersey grass.  [THIS MEANS ASPARAGUS AND HE IS TAUNTING ME BECAUSE THAT'S HOW WE ROLL.]

 

I did screw up BIG time. At the 8th Street rockpile in Avalon(where you walked out and took picures last year) two pods of dolphins were working the edge less 100 feet from where I was fishing. The smaller pod had six and the large pod was over twelve(it's hard counting jumping, churning marine mammels). There were also another dozen or so singles and pairs. Ths lasted over three hours and one of the most facinating sights ever.  So naturally I didn't have my camera.

Emails to Daughter: Turtle Control

I get a lot of very entertaining emails from my father.  You all clearly know me, but I think you need to get to know my father too.  Because, typically, you can tell a lot about someone from their parents.  These emails should give you some insight.  They are clearly indicative of my writing and speaking style.  And yes, he refers to me as Daughter.  [Note:  There is some editing of things that are related to personal stuff or family members, etc.  Trust me, none of the flavor is lost.]

Daughter,

I forgot to tell you of your mother's adventure saving a good sized snapping turtle on Kansas Road. She stopped and was escorting it so none of the ******** pennsville youth would run over it when it decided to become tempermental. At that point she tried some verbal encouragement it to make it move faster.

Consider this: Dogs are pretty smart. But when you talk to a dog all it basically hears is "Blah blah blah (it's name), blah blah blah". If you scold it, it's still "Blah blah blah (Bad Dog), blah blah blah. Verbalize with a LARGE reptile and it's just "Blah blah blah" ad nauseum while it's thinking "Get close enough so I can take a severe bite out of you". Needless to say she was there for a bit hollering at this turtle who in the meantime is standing on it's toes biting at the air.

Book Review: Plant Seed, Pull Weed by Gerk Larkin

One of this month's non-fiction reading selections was Plant Seed, Pull Weed:  Nurturing the Garden of Your Lifeby Geri Larkin.  Since I have felt off-center recently, I have been trying to read more about Buddhism so that I can get back to basics.  This book is one I would recommend to anyone, regardless of their religion.  It has life lessons that apply to all. 

Since I started reading the book, I feel better.  I am putting the lessons to use.  I am living in the moment.  I am savoring my time more.  The Boy says that there is a notable change in the "vibe that I am putting off." 

I cannot wait to read Larkin's other books.  I also can't wait to plant my own vegetable garden next year.

Rediscovering Buddhism

I often refer to myself as a half-assed buddhist.  I don't know if I am Zen or any other branch.  I know I believe in the Four Noble Truths and I want to live according to the eightfold path.  Lately, I've been feeling out of sorts.  Very disconnected from myself.  My reflexologist suggested meditation and getting back in touch with my spiritual side. 

During my last visit to the library, I checked out some books on buddhism and one has been amazing.  Plant Seed, Pull Weed.  I'm not a gardener (yet), but I love the metaphor and the way the she presents the dharma.  It has made me think so much about how I deal with life.  I have lost any ability to be patient.  There is so much stress and anger (often at myself).  There are so many mental weeds.  I dwell on things well in the past and I worry about the future.  I need to refocus on RIGHT NOW. 

This morning, I got up and something made me do things differently.  Perhaps it was the recent reading finally sinking in.  Instead of rushing to get to work a little earlier than usual so that I could bill an extra .3, I took my time getting ready this morning.  I made oatmeal.  While it was cooking, I took out the recycling and cleaned the litter boxes.  I added some freshly ground flax seeds to the oatmeal and it was the most delicious breakfast I have had in ages.  I spent time eating it.  I read the news online.  I caught up on FB.  Then I got ready for work.  Again, for once, I didn't feel rushed.  I would get there by 9, which is perfectly acceptable. 

When I got to work, I was in the most positive mood I have had in a long time.  Taking that time for myself was a huge step.  I believe I am going to try and make this my routine.  I need that down time to prepare for my day.  Once I can afford a treadmill, I'll make the non-quick cooking steel oats in the rice cooker and when I'm done my cardio, my breakfast will be waiting.  I'm not losing sleep.  I'm not losing time at work.  In fact, I was more focused at work.  It was a very pleasant way to start the day. 

A Comment that Deserves Its Own Post: More on Prop 8

Yesterday, I posted my thoughts on Prop 8.  I don't think that I can repeat enough times how much I hate this topic.  I hate that it has to exist.  I hate that it passed.  I hate that there are other people in the world who think their molds of the truth are more important than someone else's.  It takes every ounce of restraint in me not to shout when someone states that sexual orientation is a choice that someone makes.  I never chose to be straight.  That's a whole different post. 

Just in case you don't read the comments here, I wanted to highlight a comment that I received and I think it is beautiful.  This was written by one of my law school classmates and I think he might be swaying me on the legal argument.  (Always the sign of a good advocate.  Well done, Shawn.)  I want to thank Shawn for sharing this.  It makes me feel good to know that so many people share similar feelings.  Here are his words: 

The question really turned on whether you believe that prop 8 was a revision to the California state constitution.   If you did, the decision yesterday was poorly made, as it did not follow the proper procedure of being passed by 2/3 of the state's house and senate. 

If you do not believe that Prop 8 was a revision (only an addition) to the Constitution, then it was a correct use of the voter initiative.

I personally believe that after reading the Court's opinion on same sex marriage that Prop 8 was a revision, and therefore and invalid (and improper) use of the voter initiative process.  Obviously, the State Supreme Court felt otherwise.

Even though I don't live in California (nor do I want to), I am sick over this decision.  My accountant and his partner here in Fort Lauderdale were married in California this past summer.    They have both expressed that "being married" - even though they have lived together for 15 years, and raised children together - has been a sacred experience and that they feel truly united as a family NOW that they are married.

To deny any couple the right of public recognition of their relationship and all of the rights and obligations (especially the benefits that go along with them) IS WRONG.   What most people fail to recognize is that there is a true economic advantage to all couples that possess a civil marriage license.   Here in Florida, there is homestead (for both property ownership,creditor protection, descent statutes, property taxes, and medicaid liens) that are not available to couples that choose not to marry.   I do not advocate that all couples get married for the benefits alone, but my same-sex clients are being screwed because this option is NOT available to them.   How can this be fair?   They pay taxes - often more than their opposite sex counterparts - and are denied any benefits of their relationship.

I don't see how anyone can read any of the decisions of the U.S. Supreme Court (Loving) recognizing that marriage is a fundamental right can rationalize that there is some exclusion in these decision for same-sex couples.   This is bigotry and homophobia at its worst.  I am sick and disappointed that such discrimination exists in America.    This must change - NOW.

My Thoughts on Prop 8

Personally, I think Prop 8 sucks.  I don't live in California, but it is an issue that is important to me and that I feel passionate about.  I am not here to dictate who someone gets to love.  Why on earth should I get to be married twice and other people, simply because their love doesn't fit within someone's else's belief system, can never be married.  When Prop 8 passed, I felt deep disappointment.  I detest that we still live in a world with this kind of inequality.  It saddens me that some groups feel that their beliefs about the definition of love and marriage are superior.

That being said, I do not feel that the CA court made the wrong decision today.  The Proposition passed.  The voters have the power.  That's the way government works.  No matter how shitty I think Prop 8 is, I do not believe that the Court's decision was legally unsound. 

I think that, if people are angry, they need to ACT and get on the ballot in 2010 and overturn Prop 8.  Make sure it is worded in a very clear manner so that there is no confusion for voters.  Then, get out there and spread your message. 

I asked my husband if it made me a bad liberal because I thought the Court made a sound decision.  He said that it was okay because I was being intellectually honest.  So there you have it.

Fibromyalgia Diaries: Crazy Moody Nuts

Over the past few days, I have been dealing with intense mood swings.  They are generally triggered by nothing.  Yesterday, I was sitting in my office.  During the late afternoon, it was the most awful crestfallen feeling.  Triggered by nothing. 

Today, I stayed home from work because I felt like crap and am getting congested and sluggish.  I started to feel a bit better this afternoon.  Then, about an hour ago, back to the sad, crestfallen, most unhappy person in the world. 

Up and down.  Up and down.  I suspect this is related to a combination of things.  We recently decreased my thyroid dosage.  I don't know if that, plus the yeast elimination, plus attempting to continue taking proboost so that I can continue some of the anti-viral fight. 

I don't like the moods.  It's hard to break out of.  I just want to cry for hours when it hits.  For no reason. 

Earlier, I think it may have been triggered partially because I was unhappy because my low priced food supplement store used styrofoam peanuts.  But really?  That's where I am in life?  That is going to send me into a mood where the sky is falling and the earth is clearly going to end.  What nonsense. 

No clue how to get this one under control.  Took my celexa and klonipin.  Hopefully that will help make me slight more even tempered. 

Something isn't right

I am feeling very unwell right now.  I am in the middle of the yeast detox.  I've had some sugar, including tonight, but it's because I start to feel hypo and I don't want to have problems like I did the first time I did the detox.  My stomach is a mess, which I don't really expect like this after nearly two weeks.  I've been experiencing random numbness in my legs.  My moods have been a roller coaster today.  Quite simply, I do NOT feel right.  Not right in the broad spectrum of all of my weird illnesses.

The weirdest part is the dehydration.  I feel dry.  If I have to talk for too long, my mouth is completely dry.  My eyes have been a mess.  My lips feel like they are going to crack. 

I think another issue is that I'm doing the detox at the same time we are lowering my thyroid dose.  I'm sure that is contributing to some of the energy issues and increased fatigue. 

I'm really not comfortable with how I'm feeling tonight.  More distressing since Dr. Garcia will be out of the office until Wednesday of next week, I think.  Hopefully this will pass and it's just one bad day. 

A Bad Day

I tend to avoid mirrors.  In addition to the fact that I don't like facing the weight that has piled on over the past couple of years, I just feel like I am staring at a stranger sometimes.  I know how I got here, but I am really at a loss to explain who I am. 

So each day, I avoid the questions and I avoid the mirror.  My reflection always seems to be asking who I've become and I don't know if I like what I see.  I have become such a neurotic mess. 

I need to figure it out soon.  Definitely feeling lost lately.  I want the toxic drama to fade away so that I can figure out what is left when it dissolves. 

On Saturday, my reflexologist told me that I need to figure out what makes me happy.  The answer is that I don't know.  I can only define the things that make me unhappy.  I can pinpoint little moments, but in the grand scheme of things, I don't know the answer to that question either. 

I have been trying to get back in touch with my faith.  But even that feels like a failure.  I have strayed so far from the eightfold path.  I need to find a center, but everything feels like it is spiraling out of control. 

In a couple of weeks, I turn 33.  I don't expect to have all of the wisdom of the world, but I would at least hope that I knew a little more about the journey that I am taking. 

Need to sit still, catch my breath and concentrate on breathing...

Fibromyalgia Diaries: Fibromyalgia Awareness Day

I am honestly too tired to do much right now, but it didn't seem right to let Fibromyalgia Awareness Day pass without a post.  Quite simply, I have heard one too many times that it isn't real and it isn't happening and that I don't look sick, etc.

In a nutshell, here's what fibro means to me.  Fibro probably isn't something that occurs on its own.  I believe fibro is the body's reaction to any number of underlying things.  Even though I do believe fibro has different causes, that does not mean that fibro isn't real.  Fibro has changed my life.  Fibro is debilitating.  Fibro has made me weak.  Fibro has left me in pain day in and day out.  Fibro made me think I was losing my mind in December 2007. 

Everyone knows the story by now.  I then found doctors who leave no stone unturned and they find the root of the problem.  They find why the body reacts by causing pain and exhaustion and brain fog.  For me, it is mostly yeast and virus based.  For other people, it is entirely hormonal.  For other people, it is another combination of issues, whether it is a latent bacterial infection or metal poisoning.  Fortunately, the fine folks at the Fibro and Fatigue Center in Las Vegas, particularly Dr. Alina Garcia, have given me hope that this isn't forever. 

Today, I feel like ass.  I am doing yet another round of diflucan and the yeast elimination diet in order to get the candida out of my system.  I am already feeling worse.  I didn't expect to start herxing so soon.  Patches of my scalp have felt numb today.  I want to sleep at any given moment.  My entire body aches.  The yeast is fighting to keep its warm and hospitable home.  This will pass in a couple of days.  The yeast will be on its way out.  Then it is up to me to continue eating foods that don't feed the yeast.  (That has been the hardest part for me, over and over.) 

Even though fibro has often made me feel weak, it has also made me stronger.  I am one of millions who suffer from a chronic illness that other people think is nonsense.  For years, I've had doctors, bosses and friends who look at me like I am a liar.  Like I am someone who needs to suck it up and deal because everyone gets tired.  To those people, I hope you NEVER EVER have to know what it feels like to want to cry because someone hugs you or because your 10 lbs. cat walks across your legs.  I hope you never know what it is like to scream during a massage because someone lightly touches one of your trigger points.  I hope you never know what it is like to feel lost and abandoned by the medical professionals you have put your faith in.  I hope you never know what it is like to refuse narcotics from the doctor and then be accused of making up symptoms in order to get pain pills.  I hope you never know any of the things that I have known over the past six years. 

I hope you do, however, gain some understanding that this is real.  I am not lying.  I am not trying to get out of working.  I plan to never give in to this illness and become essentially disabled from the pain.  No matter how much it hurts, I just work harder.  To prove that I can beat this.  I will beat this.  I will be healthy.  Never, ever will I doubt when someone says they have fibro or chronic fatigue or something else that I don't understand. 

I'm going to finish my burbur infused water and hope that the herxing slows down so that I can get a decent night of sleep.  I have to go to court tomorrow and win, regardless of how I feel in the morning.

Thank you to the Fibro and Fatigue Center staff for your understanding.  I am a huge pain in the ass, and I know it.  I know that I am sometimes the number one obstacle in my recovery.  There will never be enough words that I can say to Dr. Alina Garcia for the way she has changed my life.  With her help, I will get well. 

Detox: The Sequel - Day 1

When I went to Dr. Garcia last week, I was sternly told that my system is full of yeast again and I need to do another round of diflucan and diet modification.  The antibiotics and steroids that I had to take earlier this year messed up my entire system.  Here we go again. 

I got through day 1 without any casualties.  Except that I am still awake at 11:30 because my stomach is displeased and doing cartwheels. 

Today's obstacle:  someone at work (I blame Kellie regardless of the real culprit) brought in a bucket (an actual bucket) of hershey's kisses.  I can't have sugar for a month and someone decides to try and take me down on the first day (Kellie).  Well, I didn't cave.  The only thing I had with any sugar was a kashi breakfast bar and those things barely count. 

Tomorrow should be fun.  We're having a lunch meeting filled with things that I can't eat.  So I will be bringing my own food to the catered lunch.  I'm not sure how else to handle it.  But I certainly can't eat a sandwich on white bread with condiments and lunch meat.  those are all on the forbidden list. 

If you are from NJ, you are only pretending to preach tolerance...

Me:  I don't know who this person is.  Why is this person one of my friends?  Must have been from when I was playing Mob Wars.  James....  Delete.

The Boy:  Was that a guy or a girl?

Me:  Dunno.  Looked like a girl, but one never knows.

The Boy:  Admit it.  You think that sort of thing is weird.  Admit it.

Me:  What sort of thing? 

The Boy:  People who don't know what they are.  Admit it.  You think it is normal when guys dress like guys and girls dress like girls.

Me:  I have no issue with drag queens or trans--

The Boy:  Shhhhh.  Stop it.  No one is here but us.  The cats don't speak english.  You can be honest.

Me:  <sigh>  I am being honest.  I have no issue with people being whomever they are.

The Boy:  I'm not buying it.  You are from New Jersey.  You just say this because you think that's what people want to hear. 

You have been right all along.

Everyone says I am CRAZY and have too much time on my hands.  Well, here's the proof. 

That's right.  It's a quiz to see which incarnation of me you are most like.  Don't worry.  They are all awesome. 

Fibromyalgia Diaries, #2.71828183

So I went to Dr. Garcia today.  Gave her the updates on the happenings from the last three months, like tarsal tunnel and bronchitis and incredible weight gain and bloat and feeling like ass and how i had to sell my Jimmy Choo's.  (She was impressed with the take on the shoes on eBay though.)  She complimented my ugly shoes, which was the polite thing to do.  She's a nice lady.

Here's where we are.  My thyroid is heading into overactive territory again.  I can feel it.  My reflexologist felt it.  The thyroid meds are being lowered.  She said that the bronchitis can actually cause a spike in the thyroid, so she wants to see what happens.  We'll be doing some labs in June.

Right now, we are not treating the Epstein Barr again.  My biggest issue is the damn yeast.  When I went on the Avelox for my bronchitis, plus prednisone, that ripped up my system.  Welcome back, candida albicans, I'll provide a safe and happy home for you.  Back on the diflucan and yeast detox diet.  By the middle of next week, I will be a raging psycho from herxing and wanting food that i like.  Food like sugar and high fructose corn syrup and syrup and anything else with sugar as a foundation. 

Back to the drawing board.  Pretty much.  That's why I didn't want to go onto the antibiotic for the bronchitis in the first place.  Now, I will go through all of this again and I BETTER NOT GET SICK BECAUSE I CANNOT GO THROUGH THIS DETOX DIET ONCE EVERY SIX MONTHS.  I like fruit, dammit. 

More to come on this, I'm sure.  I hate my stomach.  I hate candida.  I hate that my stomach provides comfortable living quarters for candida. 

NO MORE POCKETS

Dear DWTS Wardrobe People,

After the last mishap, I thought you would learn your lesson.  No more pockets for Samantha Harris.  She has to keep making the point that her dress has pockets.  Although, at one point, she did stop doing a shimmy so that she could put her hand back into her pocket.  I was grateful for the pocket then.  AND ONLY THEN.

Please fix this and don't do it again.

With concern,
Danielle 

Samantha Harris, Letter #125403

Dear Samantha Harris,

If you ever say "you brang it" again on live television, I will ...  I have no leverage. Please just don't do it again.  EVER.

With hate,
Danielle

Fibromyalgia Diaries Entry #3.14159265

I go see my beloved Dr. Garcia on Thursday.  This appointment should be super exciting because there have been changes.  Here we go:

1.  My thyroid is NOT RIGHT.  I am having racing heart issues and I am extremely sluggish again.  This is what happened before when my dose suddenly became too high.  I want to either lower the dose or go off of it again.

2.  Although I have not taken it this week because of the stupid Diflucan, I am now able to take at least one Valtrex per day and I can also take that awful Pro Boost thymic sublingual crap.  (Which I take at work and the office is guaranteed to not here my South Jersey accent for at least 30 minutes.)  This means that I can finally do something about the stupid EBV.

3.  I'm sleeping generally ok.  I am infrequently sent into silent fits of rage.  So I think the Klonipin/Celexa blend is working well.  We're not going to change that. 

Around 1-2 each day, I am ready to crash.  I think this is thyroid related though.  Again, things are not right.  One should not fear one is having a heart attack as regularly as I do. 

I went to the reflexologist today.  She hit a spot on my left foot and I had a significant reaction, so I asked what she was working on and she said thyroid.  I then told her that I think my thyroid is off again.  She agreed and asked if I thought it was over or under-active.  I said over.  She agreed.  Said there was too much activity.  [Also, while I do not wish to discuss such things with any of you ever, I do not recommend discussing if you are having, uh, digestive back-up type issues with your reflexologist.  That woman is more effective than Miralax.  That's all I wish to say about that.]

Go Here Now.

I started another blog about financial stuff, in an effort to keep it off this little basket of sunshine and cheer.

Visit The Frugal Lawyer.

(Yes, I'm trying out Wordpress for this one.  Typepad is not particularly cooperative most of the time.)