Emails to Daughter: Turtle Control

I get a lot of very entertaining emails from my father.  You all clearly know me, but I think you need to get to know my father too.  Because, typically, you can tell a lot about someone from their parents.  These emails should give you some insight.  They are clearly indicative of my writing and speaking style.  And yes, he refers to me as Daughter.  [Note:  There is some editing of things that are related to personal stuff or family members, etc.  Trust me, none of the flavor is lost.]

Daughter,

I forgot to tell you of your mother's adventure saving a good sized snapping turtle on Kansas Road. She stopped and was escorting it so none of the ******** pennsville youth would run over it when it decided to become tempermental. At that point she tried some verbal encouragement it to make it move faster.

Consider this: Dogs are pretty smart. But when you talk to a dog all it basically hears is "Blah blah blah (it's name), blah blah blah". If you scold it, it's still "Blah blah blah (Bad Dog), blah blah blah. Verbalize with a LARGE reptile and it's just "Blah blah blah" ad nauseum while it's thinking "Get close enough so I can take a severe bite out of you". Needless to say she was there for a bit hollering at this turtle who in the meantime is standing on it's toes biting at the air.

Comments

[Jo Ann]

I want your parents to adopt me.