As most of you know, on Friday, I got an email from On Camera Audiences that I had come up on the waiting list again for DWTS tickets for Monday or Tuesday of this week. After some haggling, Brian (who gets to not be The Boy in this entry) and I decided to spend the night on Sunday night since the wee petri dishes were spending Easter elsewhere.
Our journey started on Sunday around 1:30, and we intended to go to Santa Monica so that I could see the ocean and then check-in at the hotel. Wanna know what you get on Sunday afternoon on the way to California? Traffic. Lots of it. In Barstow, I stopped, as usual, at In N Out. Imagine my disappointment when they were closed for Easter. I hadto have El Pollo Loco instead. My day was not going well. My day continued to not go well when it got dark before we got there and I didn't get to see the ocean. (I have no interest when it is dark.) We finally got checked in around 7:45. That's right - long ass car ride.
We ate dinner at Sushi Roku since it was close to our hotel, Elan. Yeah, overpriced and mediocre. Wouldn't really recommend it. Plus, the prick took my plate before I could have that last bit of ginger, which is my favorite part.
When we got up on Monday, I called On Camera Audiences and discussed what happened last year when we got turned away. More haggling. They agreed to put us on the priority ticket list even though it was last season.
We walked to the theater. I wore practical shoes for the walk and held my beloved Stuart Weitzmans in my hand. (I later attempted to wear the shoes and that didn't work out, but it didn't matter, as you will see.)
We got in and were seated on benches. I got to use a star wagon. Regardless of the use of the word star, it was a generic portapotty. [Kat, do you get to use Star Wagons on set??]
While we were sitting (and frequently lectured on gum chewing), Tony, Lacey and Shawn Johnson came out to the crowd. We talked to Tony and he apparently likes Vegas. He sat on the lap of the woman next to me. (If there is any chance that we will be on camera, I suspect it would be in this footage.)
They let the first row in. They were all seat fillers on the first floor. My favorite threesome (hereinafter "the JC Penney Models and their mom") were seated behind the judges. Our bleacher was seated in the first row of the balcony where Tom and Samantha don't usually announce from (i.e., why my shoes didn't matter). I was content with our seats. First, we could see. Second, if a VIP showed up, we still had decent seats.
Then there was some waiting while the crowd filled in. We got to see a "pre-tape" of the West Side Story dance. IT WAS FANTASTIC. I would love to go see that show now. Although America is my favorite song and I don't really like the play or the other songs... Except I feel pretty. That was my favorite audition song for high school theater.
Celebs started to drift in. Woz was directly below us. So was Queen Latifah. I believe she was escorted by her "trainer." The Jackass crew was there. I have to say that Gilles' Marini's wife is one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen in real life. Seriously, stunning. Brian agrees, but only with the caveat that I am the most beautiful. (Jewel was also really pretty too, hobbling in on her crutch.)
We were seated directly across the aisle from Phyllis Diller. Dude, PHYLLIS DILLER. That shit was so cool. She looks just like I remember her from Scooby Doo.
The show got started with the annoying warm up guy. He made audience members dance. I need to stress that I DO NOT LIKE HIM. BRIAN DID NOT LIKE HIM. HE SUCKED. (and he never gave me a prize, so he didn't win any favor points that way.)
Judge introduction time. Carrie Anne. Didn't like her dress. Felt a sense of smug satisfaction when she tripped on it.
Len. Charming, british and orange skinned. At least he wasn't wearing yellow.
Bruno. Sparkling in black. Did some pelvic thrusts and went in-say-yay-yay-yay-ane.
Next, my arch nemesis, Samantha Harris. Internet, it pains me to write these words, but I have to be honest. I did not hate her as much in person as I do all of the rest of the time. She was barely in my sight and I wasn't paying attention much when she was doing her backstage stuff. First, her arms. Holy shit, Samantha Harris's arms rival Linda Hamilton in the Terminator 2. She could kick my ass even though I outweigh her by at least three hundred lbs. Second, she was wearing a really pretty red dress. Third, she was dancing like a white girl at the prom the whole time she wasn't on camera. (Having been a white girl at a prom on numerous occasions, I can say this with authority.) She seriously started to walk like an Egyptian past the camera at one point. Fortunately, when she spoke, the audience usually had to cheer and I couldn't hear her. So she was exactly what I want from her: mute. I'm sure we will watch the show and I will be enraged, like usual.
Show starts. Ty and Chelsie first. I love Chelsie Hightower and have made that clear since she was on So You Think You Can Dance. She was adorable and I don't think Ty was quite as bad as it seemed. She definitely talks him through parts of it. Plus, Chelsie looked cute as hell in her flag shirt.
After they danced and they went to commercial break, the annoying audience warm up guy talked to Chelsie's grandfather and it was very cute. One of her many younger siblings was there. A wee bitty Chelsie Hightower. [Speaking of dancer family members, Buddy Schwimmer, King of West Coast Swing, was wearing track pants. I am pissed that I tried to look nice. Clearly I could have worn my PJs.]
I don't know if i am going to get the rest of dances in order. But I'll do my best.
Melissa and Tony. Liked them a lot and thought their scores should have been higher. Now, she clearly has a lower back tattoo. Do they really glitter that thing up every week? I wish my tattoo would sparkle. Only issue: I hate that stupid beyonce song if i were a boy. HATE it. Almost as much as I hate the rumba.
LT and Edyta. I was extremely curious to see Edyta. I thought she was going to be alarmingly thin in person. She wasn't. She was like one giant muscle that is tan as leather. I thought her leg curtains were weird. She is great and I really hope they give her a good partner so that she can win someday. LT sucked. I don't think he deserved the praise that he got.
Lil Kim and Derek definitely brought down the house. Everyone was screaming and cheering. I don't know if i would go with tens, but they were good.
Shawn and Mark. Very cute. I loved the prom theme.
Gilles and Cheryl - they are freaking fantastic and I was pissed that their scores weren't higher. That dance was crazy fast and good. When he came out before the dance (while the video was playing), he was really friendly and I love that he kisses his wife, the hottest woman alive.
Steve O and Lacey. Lacey is hot as hell. She was adorable when they were out working the crowd. I loved her little boy shorts. I liked their routine. I want Steve O to do well. He was so cute sitting there with his fingers in his ears while they played the video about him farting. But let's be honest, he can't dance.
Julianne and Chuck. I know, I know. Support him because he is from DE. Here's my issue: Julianne is scrawny. Way too thin. Didn't like that. A coworker wants to know if she is still on the virgin train or if she has succumbed to Chuck's charms. I can say for sure that I do not know if Julianne Hough is a virgin or not. They don't reveal their deepest secrets during commercial break.
The band is really impressive. I wish I could have talked to the lady with the stuff on her head and the extremely ample cleavage. i also wish that I could have met Tom. Frankly, he looks tired between takes. Perhaps it is because Bruno is seriously a pain in the ass the entire time, from the looks of it.
After the show, we got an astroburger on Melrose and got home around 11:30. Wish fulfilled. don't think I'll do it again because the drive is just too much. But it was very cool.
YAYAYA!!!! I FINALLY had a moment to sit and read this with full attention. EXCELLENT recap. It was like being there. I am glad you finally got to see this in person. That's awesome. I think some things just translate different on television vs. live (ie: Ty's performance, the likeability factor of your arch-nemesis). I am SO happy for you that you had this experience!!!!!!
Now we just need to get on Wheel of Fortune. Maybe we can write the producers and suggest "Internet Friends Week" for three teams of two where the two team members are friends but haven't met yet. How awesome would THAT be??
(I have gone wee-wee in a trailer toilet. On the East Coast we call them "Honey Wagons" and the code is "I'm going 10-1 in the honey wagon". I suppose it makes it more discreet? I don't know - because everyone knows your just going to go pee anyway.)
Posted by: magickat | April 17, 2009 at 08:54 AM