Kitten a Go-Go

Happy Birthday to The Boy

Baby, Happy Birthday!  I am so glad you picked me to spend the rest of your life with.  I feel lucky every day that we are together.  I love you!  Happy seventh 29th Birthday!

On my mind: The Danielle Deficit

Money Money Money...  I'm not just quoting Abba, the world's greatest rock band.  Sadly, it seems to be on my mind constantly lately. 

The Danielle Deficit is not in good shape.  Not in good shape at all.  Of course, I am not the only one in this kind of shape.  I know that.  I can't afford to take my student loans out of forbearance right now and I am quite scared that I am not going to be able to afford the payment next year when there is no time left to defer... 

Right now, I'm trying to get accustomed to living on about $350 less per month.  Because it is a 27 pay period year, my usual salary went down.  I am finally contributing to a flexible spending account for health care costs, but that is still money that I have to wait to get back.  Then there's another $75 to park at work each month.  So my take home is a lot less on a monthly basis.  I wasn't managing particularly well before, just due to the sheer volume of debt. 

So, in the interest of full disclosure, I still have about $90 in student loans.  I am paying on my one private loan because it is the only one that wasn't consolidated.  I still owe my grandfather $36k for rescuing me from financial ruin when I couldn't sell my house after the bubble broke.  Then, there's the credit cards.  We'll simply say that I owe my grandfather less than I owe the nice people at Discover, Chase, Citibank and Wamu.

I attempted to get a personal loan from Wells Fargo (my beloved bank) and that didn't go so well.  It seems my debt/income is too high.  Um, no kidding.  Which is why i want to consolidate and deal with it in one big massive pile.  Plus, that would allow me to get rid of a couple of the cards, which are, of course, hiking up their interest rates.  My credit isn't shot, but it has seen better days. 

I completely understand that I have a good income.  For that, I'm extremely grateful.  But what's scary is this thought:  If I am in this much financial trouble - what about those who aren't as lucky when it comes to their income?  I'm living paycheck to paycheck and hoping for the best.  I cannot imagine the hell that so many families must be going through right now. 

I am prone to fits of yuppie whining like this.  I grumble that I've gotten myself into financial trouble.  whine whine whine.  But I'm damn lucky that I have a job that pays me enough so that I can at least make all of my payments on time. 

Right now, I am hopeful that I will get money back from my insurance company soon.  That should be at least $1,000, I think.  That will help since just about all of my medical costs were put onto credit cards last year (and I came in around $8k for my fibro doctor).  Then, hopefully, we'll get a tax refund.  I've got my fingers crossed that I can get this under control this year.  But it feels like I am drowning in debt.  There's only so much time that you can spend staring at a spreadsheet and trying to make the math do something magical. 

That's it for my yuppie whining.  Hopefully I will have good news to report soon and the insurance stuff will be taken care of.  Please, please let that happen soon.  For everyone else out there in similar situations, I hope you have better times soon too.

Family Drama: Rules of Engagement

If you insist on involving me in family drama from 2500 miles away, we're going to have to set some ground rules. 

1.  Don't make shit up that involves me.  You didn't read it on my facebook page because you don't have access to my facebook page.  But, just so we're clear, this blog is very public and you can get this straight from the source.

2.  If you have something to say, sack up and say it to me directly.  I don't care to hear rumors through other family members. 

3.  Grow up.  I graduated from high school about fifteen years ago (ouch, that hurt to write).  Hell, I got out of law school three years ago.  Life isn't like Mean Girls or Heathers (depending on your generation) anymore.  I am not going to be forced into your little circle of hate.  You are sad and pathetic if this is how you thrive.  Perhaps a more productive hobby, like knitting perhaps, would be appropriate.  (I had something other than knitting down and The Boy suggested I censor myself.  Grr.)

4.  If you do stupid shit and broadcast it to the entire family, then don't be surprised when people make comments about it.  Again, sack up and deal with the fact that you have drama in your life.  If YOU have drama, it is YOUR fault.  I am not the one causing YOUR drama.  YOU ARE.  Get over yourself. 

5.  Leave me out of it.  Have I made that clear?  If I don't talk to you at family events, it's because I don't want to be involved in your drama.  If I don't stay in touch, that's another clue.  I would like to live a happy drama free existence.  I do not enjoy getting phone calls from my mother or emails from other family members saying that I have done something to offend you.  Honestly, the way you've chosen to live your life is typically embarrassing for the rest of us and we are the ones who should be offended. 

Detox Day: My Brain is Torturing Me

Last night, I fell off the wagon a little.  Honestly, it barely counts.  I wanted fruit in the worst way after making smoothies that I couldn't drink.  So I had a cereal bar with a fruit center.  It's one of those health food aisle fruit cereal bars, so there was actually natural fruit and it had minimal sugar grams.  So, while i cheated, I resisted the good stuff (i.e., frosted flakes).  It didn't bother my stomach so i am hoping that is a good sign for when I am "allowed" to reincorporate fruit.

Then, while sleeping this morning, I had a dream.  I won tickets to an afternoon Tori Amos concert in New York.  I went and took my parents with me.  On the bus, on the way home, they were giving out fancy chocolate samples.  I ate them all with glee and then felt overwhelming guilt for having eaten such a thing. 

I guess that's what I get for eating the cereal bar.

I like saying Vice President Biden

Today is a new beginning.  The Boy recently commented that he is sick of the doom and gloom reports that the media is shoving down our throat about 2009.  I hear that people are cautiously optimistic.  Here's my thought - why not just be optimistic?  I am full of hope.  I believe that the new administration will be great.  I believe that the new administration will, unlike the past 8 years, worry about things at home, and not just what's going on abroad.  I feel the the previous president ignored domestic policy and the policies he had were awful. 

I am proud to support Obama and Biden.  I am excited to see what happens next.  I am full of hope.  I am full of optimism.  2009 is going to be a great year.  I don't doubt that the world is changing, but that does not mean that it has to end badly.  Let's use this as an opportunity to make things better than they were before. 

Detox: Day Medical Exception AND crossing one off the 2009 to do list

The Boy cringes that I discuss this stuff with people, let alone the entire internet.  So, my apologies to the Boy, but I don't think it is a big deal.  But it does involve my lady business, sort of.  Be warned.

So, I have been super good with my diet.  I am bitching at least 50% less, except when chicken is involved because chicken sucks, as I have repeatedly stated. 

In October, I started seeing a new lady doctor.  She wanted to get me off of the pill because estrogen based birth control can cause migraines.  So, after much discussion, we decided on Mirena.  (Let us be clear that these are not the scary IUDs from the 70s class action lawsuits.  In fact, it is the second most common form of birth control.)  Even though I have not given birth, she was fine giving it to me.  My appointment for the insertion had to be delayed repeatedly because of the hell that was November and December 2008.  So, today was the big day.  I was nervous because my cervix has been pretty well behaved and doesn't cause trouble, so I didn't want to piss it off by making it contort or anything.

Things I learned.  I have a perfectly normal uterus.  I was hoping for one that tilts because that is totally dinner party conversation.  If anyone is considering this method of contraception, the insertion wasn't bad.  And this is coming from someone who has never had children.  In fact, she said I did better than some of her people who have dilated before.  So suck it wussy moms who can't take it.  (I'm still mildly sedated from the meds she gave me.)  It wasn't something i would want to happen more than once every five years, but I didn't kick or scream.  There was some wincing. I don't even think I cursed.  I kept mentioning that I liked the kitty painting on the wall.  That was definitely the pill, but I do wish leslie could duplicate the cute kitty painting that I saw on the wall.  Thanks.

Everyone knows from my past stories that I am prone to fainting spells.  I sat up too quickly and thought I was going to pass out.  That's when I got a glucose drink.  So, technically, i cheated on my yeast diet.  But it was a medical exception, so I do not think it counts.  But, oh, was it delicious.  Fruit punchy sweet nectar passing my lips.  I didn't finish the whole bottle because I didn't want to super cheat.  But, omg, so so so delicious.  Sugar drinks are good...

Back to the Mirena.  So far, so good.  Pretty severe cramping when I got home.  She said that tonight was probably going to be the worst night, but I might have cramps for a few days.  Nothing that 600 mg of motrin can't handle.  (i took the motrin and things improved.) 

I go back in three weeks to ensure that it hasn't disappeared.  I questioned whether that happens regularly and if, perhaps, i might feel a tickle in my throat and cough up the tiny magic device.  She said no and assumed that was the happy pill they gave me.  No, that was something I'd ask anyway. 

So, yes, i cheated but for good reason.  One cannot pass out every time one goes to the dr.  AND I crossed another thing off my to-do list.  Woohoo.

Detox: Day CRAZY

Has anyone else ever started crying in the grocery store?  I'm not talking about uncontrollable sobbing or anything.  Just regular tears and quivering lips and stuff.  Because that was me about 45 minutes ago.  I am strolling through the grocery store, STARVING (since I spent my afternoon at Sears for what was supposed to be a simple oil change and turned into a dude, there's a giant whole in the wall of your tire and it could blow out at any second - what do you mean you've know it was there? - yeah, it can be a problem - no, you can't just patch it). 

I have never been so frustrated in the grocery store in my life.  I wanted bacon, for the nights that I eat eggs.  Of course, I couldn't have bacon because it is cured with SUGAR.  sweet, delicious sugar that fuels me.  Sweet, delicious sugar that has not crossed my lips in 8 days.... 

So I bought more stupid chicken.  And an assload of veggies.  I spent a fortune to buy tahini so that I can make my own hummus.  I don't even want a candy bar right now.  I want a banana and some Yo+ vanilla yogurt.  I want to make tacos with ground turkey, black beans and whole wheat tortillas.  But nope.  Not for me. 

Two more weeks of this misery before I can start trying certain foods again.  I assume that the hallucinations will start momentarily.l

I'm turning into a chicken

Okay, this marks day seven of the detox.  I think it's day seven.  It feels like it has been eternity.  Do you want to know what I had as a snack last night?  A can of green beans.  People, I have to stress to you that a can of green beans is NOT a snack to my people.  Fortunately, it is not a snack to the candida either.

I am still not feeling great.  My fibro symptoms are bad right now.  Herxing still, I guess.  I've been sleeping pretty poorly.  That might be my self imposed yuppie whining stress nonsense.  Hard to say.

I've lost five lbs. in one week.  I can see the difference in my stomach.  The bloat is decreasing considerably.  It is working.  But I'm seriously going to commit a crime to get fruit.  I know it.

Oh, and if I haven't mentioned it recently, I HATE chicken.  HATE it.  Vegetables are also losing their appeal.  I haven't soured toward shredded wheat yet because it is in the cereal family and all cereal is to be revered.

Happy Birthday To Stef

Wishing you all the best on your birthday!

Detox: Days 3 and 4

I had nothing interesting to report yesterday.  I got home before The Boy, so I stared at a banana for two full minutes debating whether or not to cheat on my self-imposed regimen.  I didn't cave.  Instead, I ate stupid chicken and broccoli.  Bleh.

Today, I was also a good girl.  I have determined that I can eat Old Bay.  So I had scrambled eggs smothered in Old Bay since I can't have cheese. 

Here's the bigger issue.  I feel like shit.  The first time I did this elimination diet, about a year ago, I was pissy about the food, and I started to get symptoms of hypoglycemia from the lack of carbs, but my fibro symptoms didn't worsen.  This time, they are hell.  I can't sleep for shit.  I look like I've been punched.  My eyes are blood shot.  I can barely get up the steps because my legs hurt so bad.  I believe the difference is that I am on diflucan this time, instead of nystatin.  This, my dear readers, is what they call the herxheimer reaction.  My symptoms are getting worse as the bad shit dies.  I dealt with this during the Valcyte period.  (At least there are no hallucinations or anything this time.  Although, if there were, I'm prety sure they would involve dancing, singing fruit, taunting me with their sweet melodies.)

I am not giving up.  I am sticking with this.  It is self-imposed this time.  I am getting this round of candida out of my system and then I am avoiding antibiotics for as long as I possibly can.  (I am quite sure that two rounds of antibiotics started this flare up in the fall.  That and my love of sweet delicious sugar.)

Two more work days to get through.  Two more work days.  That's it. (otherwise, I will look like the walking dead soon.)  New T3/T4 combination thyroid meds will be up to full strength dose on Saturday.  Something has to work.  I feel like an old lady.  (yet the real age test says I'm 33, which is a mere 6 months off.) 

I'm tired.  Maybe I'll try to go to sleep on the couch with the nudists.  They are always sleeping just fine. Perhaps a change of scenery will work.  UGH.

Detox Day 2

Today started out with shredded wheat.  Lunch was a big bowl of chopped veggies (as i refuse to call it a salad if there is no spinach or lettuce).  Dinner was shrimp, followed by more veggies and some nuts.  I had a couple of pieces of gum, but they don't count. 

I will get through this.  19 more days.  Then I can start trying to add fruit and more whole grains back.

Detoxing, Kittenagogo Style

Everyone on earth knows that I haven't had a great couple of months.  Well, it took its toll on the Danielle Deficit through stress-shopping and on my health through stress-eating.  When I was in NJ, all I wanted was hoagies, Herr's salt and pepper chips and soft pretzels.  That's a whole lotta white flour. 

For the newcomers, my digestive tract serves as a hospitable home for some rather unfriendly yeast, hereinafter referred to as candida.  The candida are complete assholes.  It makes all of my other issues flare.  The candida thrives on everything that I love:  bread and sweets.  Since I don't drink anything with caffeine, I'm provigil and sugar-fueled.  I owed The Tiny Boy two boxes of Frosted Flakes because I couldn't resist their sugary cereal siren song and I kept eating his cereal.  (I bought him two boxes yesterday.)

One of my library books for this month is The Yeast Connection by William G. Crook.  I have read all about candida and its love of wreaking havoc on my body.  When I first started going to the FFC, I was on Nystatin and cut a lot of candida out of my system.  I felt better.  But then I got careless. 

Reading the book last night was another wake up call.  Candida is connected to so many of my other problems.  But I take comfort in delicious bread and sweets.  So I have ignored it. 

Last time I went to the FFC, Dr. Garcia agreed that the candida issues were flaring.  I started a round of Diflucan.  I found a new probiotic that I like to take in combination with it.  I still wasn't eating well enough. 

So, Dr. Crook inspired me to get it together.  I am now doing a candida detox with my diet.  I ate stupid shredded wheat for breakfast.  (Actually, I don't mind shredded wheat.  I prefer it frosted and mini.  I would also prefer the Frosted Flakes.  Both boxes, eaten in rapid succession.)  Then for lunch, I mostly munched on the veggies I was cutting for a salad for lunch this week.  Had some nuts too.  Dinner will consist of stupid chicken and veggies. 

This goes on for two weeks.  Nothing with sugar or flour.  Nothing.  For three weeks.  Then I will slowly start incorporating whole grains again.  Hopefully this will get things under control.  The candida will be purged.  I will feel better. 

Until that time, I am going to be a complete uber bitch.  Sorry, Internet.  I do not like getting the candida out of my system.  I like feeding the candida.  I like to eat everything that the candida likes.  The candida has an exceptional palette.  But it must die for the issues that it causes with my GI system, the fatigue and everything else on earth that is wrong with me.  Sorry, candida, but you must leave.  I cannot host you and your kind anymore. 

My 2009 Health State of the Union Address

Last year, in early January 2008, I was at the end of my rope.  My fibromyalgia was beginning to interfere with my ability to function.  By the end of the day, I could barely walk up the steps to the bedroom without wincing.  So I made a resolution to get my health in order in 2008.  I did this by beginning treatment at the Las Vegas FFC.  In February and March 2008, I felt like a different person.  Better than I had in a decade.  Then, through some treatment mishaps with a former doctor, things went downhill.  Most of the fall of 2008 was spent in a depression downward spiral.  I started seeing a new doctor at the FFC and we made some changes to my treatment plan. 

By early December 2008, I was running on empty again.  Work was insanely hectic and my grandmother was dying on the opposite side of the country.  To say that I was stressed would be an understatement.  The stress took its toll in many ways.  My health deteriorated.  I was always one step away from weeping hysterically.  I stress shopped my way into more debt.  I stress ate comfort foods (carbs, carbs, carbs) that I know aren't good for me, given my medical history.

When I went to see my doctor when I returned from California, I told her everything.  The problems I was experiencing were different than those that I have dealt with previously.  But a few things were obvious - my thyroid was not functioning properly (I had been weaned off of thyroid and adrenal gland meds in the fall).  I had another raging systemic candida infection.  And, if you want to talk about hot, let's talk about getting a cold sore on YOUR NECK.  As if a cold sore on your lip isn't enough, I got one on my neck and one on my chin during this period.

I am on a new thyroid medication that doesn't make me feel like I am having a heart attack.  I am on a super anti-fungal to treat the yeast.  Getting rid of the yeast also means that I have to modify my eating, which I am really trying to do, but I am a sugar freak (which is how I got into this situation in the first place with the yeast residing in my belly).  Treating the Epstein Barr has taken the backburner for now because I have to get the thyroid and yeast under control. 

I am functioning pretty well right now.  My fibro pain is nowhere near what it used to be.  I am generally sleeping okay (for me, not a normal person).  I don't get fatigued as quickly as I used to.

But...  (there's always a but) I am having an especially hard time dealing with my body.  Between the yeast and the hypothyroid, I am at the highest weight I've ever been.  I don't recognize my body.  I'm carrying so much weight.  It doesn't seem to matter what I eat right now.  Weight just stays high.  Given the events of November and December, I can't say I've been exercising.  For five weeks, I lived in the office and then in a hotel room in LA.  Then I went to Jersey and ate delicious Wawa sandwiches for ten days straight (I know the yeast loved all of that refined flour and white bread).  That is going to stop.  I am going to find a way to incorporate walking into my routine, just as long as it doesn't affect the fatigue.  (My doctor has repeatedly told me not to push myself just because I am having a good day.  Pushing myself can lead to three bad days and the trade off isn't worth it.)

My doctor said that I can't worry about the weight right now.  But it is hard not to.  I don't like looking like this.  I am, quite simply, a lard ass.  I know that I need to give the meds time to kick in and then I should be able to shed the 15 lbs pretty easily, but ugh.  This just sucks.  My self esteem is, let's just say, not so good. 

I am being patient.  I am going to listen to the doctor.  I am going to try not to worry about this.  I am cutting out the refined crap that feeds the yeast.  I am doing well with this thyroid med.  (11 more days of baby doses and then I will be up to the therapeutic dose.)  I am going to exercise.  I am going to recognize myself again.  This is just a bump in the road. 

Here's to continuing to get healthy in 2009.  The ongoing mother of all resolutions.

2009 Goals Update: Crossing off # 2

I am pleased to report that I have written the check that will pay off my Lowe's credit card.  This was a goal that I knew I would have to take care of quickly since the interest free period was expiring next month.  The balance was $800.  Compared to my other cards, that balance is really low.  It still feels like an accomplishment though.  Now I can concentrate on the other four credit cards with the giant balances.

For me, using the $800 to pay off something (rather than trying to transfer the balance) represents a nice change.  You see, the new camera that I want (the Nikon D90) costs about $890 for the body (and I have the lenses already).  But I acted responsibly and paid the credit card and didn't buy the new camera even though I WANT IT. 

I am also pleased to report that I went shopping on Friday and didn't purchase a single pair of shoes.  I did want to purchase the rare patent leopard but Aldo doesn't carry half sizes I needed a half size to make them work.  All of the purchases were on super sale and purchased with cash money, not adding to the Danielle Deficit.

My next financial goal is to pay off my Chase card.  I believe I'm going to try the method in which I pay the minimum on other cards and put the extra toward that balance.  We'll see if that helps me make some more progress.