Sick of Being Sick

[Introduction for the newbies as this links to Wellsphere.  Regulars, I recommend you run along to the next paragraph, lest ye accuse me of repeating myself.  I have fibromyalgia and was diagnosed in 2002.  I hit rock bottom in December of last year and began treatment at the Fibro and Fatigue Center in January of 2008.  It has had its ups and downs.  My main issue (currently) is the fact that I can't sleep and i have Epstein Barr.  Woohoo since 95% of the population has EBV, right?  But my levels are super high and what the doctors like to call "reactivated."  In other words, I've got mono, but I'm not contagious.  And I've had it for a really long ass time.]

Right before Thanksgiving, everyone in Neon city was coming down with the plague.  I was no exception.  I had to cancel my trip to see my family and i spent Thanksgiving alternating between major vomiting sprees and fighting a fever.  Good times.  It seemed to pass after a couple of days.

It's been a hectic week at work, and I've been tired, but feeling okay, except for stress.  Around 3, I started coughing like crazy.  Then we went to the office holiday party.  Had a lovely time and ate a delicious meal at Del Frisco's.  Around midnight, there was stomach pain.  By 12:30, there was a major vomiting spree.  woohoo.

This morning, I woke up and felt like ass.  I ate breakfast.  That didn't work out.  In fact, nothing I've eaten has stayed down.  Not doing too well with liquids either.  I'm dealing with fever issues again.  This is extremely hellish because I have to drive to LA tomorrow for work and I will be there for the rest of the work week. 

This has caused me to enter complete nervous breakdown mode.  Things are intense at work.  I feel like shit.  I am away from home while my grandmother is still in the hospital.  Very high stress.

But when it comes down to it, at the root of this is that I am so incredibly sick of being sick.  I am always sick.  I catch everything that comes through the office because my immune system is so compromised due to the EBV.  My stomach is a nightmare and I can't take the meds that my doctor wants me to take in an attempt to get the virus levels down to a normal level.  My wimpy ass veins can't handle the IVs that they offer, which would fight things off.  So, what do i do?  I can live the rest of my life constantly feeling like shit or ... what is the other option? 

I am at a loss right now.  My body is so busy fighting the stupid virus that has been here for 25 years that it has no time to fight off anything else.  Regardless of how hard I try, I can't live in a bubble.  But I am exhausted from constantly trying to live my life and battle every single illness that I am exposed to. 

To make things worse, I've been slammed at work and have had no time to go to the doctor.  (and when I say no time, I mean that I've been there from 9-9 many days recently.)  But really, what is the doctor going to do?  She can give me another antibiotic, which will also rip my stomach to shreds, cause my candida issues to reignite and throw me into another fatigue downward spiral.  Or, I can attempt to let my body do its thing and that never amounts to getting well. 

Sadly, there is no real conclusion to this email.  I am frustrated.  Right now, I feel like shit and I'm cold.  (unusual for me.)  So cold that I had to find socks and i hate socks and seriously cannot remember the last time that I wore them except work socks (which does not count because I mean warm socks).  So cold that I am wearing a long sleeved shirt and a hoodie stolen from the Boy's side of the closet.  This is annoying and never-ending.

When I get back from LA, hopefully I will be able to get in to see my fibro dr.  There has to be something else that we can do.  I'm not ready to give up, but I'm losing steam fast.  And I just can't accept being sick forever.  It is nonsense and I am not doing it.

Comments

[Sherril Johnson]

Hey,

Sorry you're having such a hard time. Me too. But I'm not working so I can drop everything and take care of me as soon as I need to. I'd rather be healthy and working.

I'm starting a page on the FFC and would like to include your blog. It's here: http://www.theiciexperience.org-a.googlepages.com/fibromyalgiaandfatiguecenters

I'm sending positive energy across the country to you.

[Jo Ann (not yet vomiting in Philly)]

Are you absolutely 100% certain that it's fibro? I'm a tired old broad but it sounds like you might be dealing with something else. Come to Philly, I'll take you to the nice doctors at Penn, and we'll drink alot. We'll both feel better.