I'll Tell You What I Want, What I Really Really Want

Dear Santa,

 

I would like the following:

 

1. Bank that counts change for you (as illustrated in the bed bath & beyond catalog)
2. New liver (this one has to be close to done with all of the pills)
3. Functioning thyroid
4. Book by someone whom I may or may not know as an expert witness
5. Flatbed scanner (for the scanning of photographs) (I've got things that Facebook needs/wants to see.  Robin might not want to see them, but everyone else does.) (and i have no shame, so I could care less how many photos of my perm are out there.)
6. hair that never needs to be dyed again, but is still my own hair and not a wig.  (note, hair that is just my natural color will not do.  I want it to grow the way that Kristin highlights it.  This can also be accomplished sort of half ass with a gift certificate to Suite One.)
7. Nikon D90.  This is a complete unreasonable request, but it does not change that I want one.  If i have some sort of charitable anonymous reader, I would like a new camera.  And if the charitable donor is a foot freak fan, then I can surely pose for more shoe photos with the camera, so everyone wins.
8. Treadmill (again, not reasonable, but it's on the list)
9. Fashionable footwear.  NO LADY SHOES.
10. A pedicure at that place in Maryland where the fish gnaw off your feet dead skin.  I could not be more serious that I want this.
11. DVDs:  The Princess Diaries, Bring It On, Save the Last Dance, Grease 2, S&TC (all seasons), previous seasons of How I Met Your Mother
12. tap dancing lessons for myself and a friend
13. a food processor
14. news that Ikea will open a location in Vegas (I need bookshelves and other inexpensive furnishings, dammit)
15. A promise from ABC that they will not take Eli Stone, the piemaker or the Darlings away from me.
16. 12 8x10 gallery frames (like the ones from pottery barn) (but not the ones from pottery barn b/c those people are BLOODSUCKERS) so that I can hang my photography that I had printed a year ago.
17. More time with my grandmother
18. a copy of my grandparents' wedding picture so that i can put it out next to their engagement portraits
19. some copies of my parents wedding pictures
20. a professionally taken portrait of myself and the nudists from Petrographique
21. to learn how to knit (i think it would suit my ocd parts)
22. an ample supply of frozen shrimp from costco
23. a sudden distate for foods made with yeast and sugar
24. the ability to digest 24/7 without the aid of drugs
25. a fancy new iPod
26. a baby hippo that should be trained to live in the closet (like my real closet, not a secret gay hippo), not poop and select shoes for me each morning.
27. Sapphire earrings made from a certain piece of jewelry that i already own
28. to have my Justice Blackmun autographs framed for my office, preferably next to an 8x10 glossy of his honor
29. a sound economy for the country
30. lunch with Oprah Winfrey, Hillary Clinton and Toni Morrison.  Another acceptable foursome would be Vice President Elect Joe Biden, John Malkovich and Seonna Hong.  Another acceptable foursome would be George W. Bush, Kathy Griffin and Pat Sajak.  (just imagine the sparks with the last group.  Man, that would be fun.) 
31. An original copy (with all appropriate typographical errors) of The Great Gatsby
32. A baby cat with no hair to name Lemon Chiffon Cupcake if its a girl or The Honorable Justice Harry Blackmun if its a boy (we would call him Hairy for the obvious humor).
33. The ability to sleep for 8 hours straight without drugs.  (or even with less drugs.  I'm not looking for a miracle.) 
34. a matching shelf thing from West Elm to go on the other side of the fire place
35. The ability to go to the evil trinity (West Elm, Whole Foods and Target) without increasing the Danielle deficit.  (If that isn't clear enough, gift cards)
36. a year supply of Corvalen
37. Various Seonna Hong prints which are currently on ebay. 
38. a new job for my brother because he seems pretty bored.
39. A monkey for Kat to hold because I understand the need to fulfill wishes and dreams.
40. A clone Danielle who can keep the house clean and alphabetized
41. a new Shu Umera eyelash curler.  Mine has seen better days.
42. a facial
43. a very large magnifying mirror to allow for even more pleasure when plucking my eyebrows (meaning it makes my face huge, not that the actual mirror is huge)
44. 6 bottles of epsom salt from CVS
45. Tickets to see Kathy Griffin next time she is in town
46. An audition to be on the Wheel (whereupon i will kick Kat's ass.)
47. The ability to wear all of my shoes without pain.  Or an ample supply of Fab Feet. 
48. A hot air balloon ride over red rock (i see them all of the time on my way to work and I always want to be in the balloon and Amanda said it isn't scary)
49. a word of the day calendar with hard words that make me seem smart when i use them in conversations
50. The entire collection of Sweet Valley High and/or Nancy Drew books.

That's all I can think of.  Enjoy.

With love,
Danielle

 

Comments

[robin]

I am frightened. Exactly how many bad photos of me do you have?

[Frolics and Detours]

I'm a knitter. You should totally learn. However, most people who become knitters end up being yarn whores with a huge yarn stash. Collecting yarn is almost as much fun as knitting with it. Watch out though -- nice yarn is expensive!

[Frolics and Detours]

I'm a knitter. You should totally learn. However, most people who become knitters end up being yarn whores with a huge yarn stash. Collecting yarn is almost as much fun as knitting with it. Watch out though -- nice yarn is expensive!

[Danielle]

Robin, none of the photos are bad. You are always lovely. They are simply amusing. Because you no longer have tall bangs and i no longer have a perm. The joy of youth...

[magickat]

This is a most awesome list. I am not lying I teared up that you did actually give me one of your wishes on your list. Thank you.

But beyond that, what a whimsical and deightful list. And I think, over time, this list is pretty much doable without Santa's help. Some items are harder than others but if you start simple (knitting) and go from there I bet you can really find each wish attainable.

I hope your dreams come true. You deserve them.

And you can cross #39 off in May. I am going to an animal preserve on my vacation where I will be holding, amongst other exotic animals, a baby monkey.